I did go for another run last night, and it was pretty sucky. I had eaten crappy food on my way home from work, but still made it home by 10 and so went for a run anyways. I also cheated cuz a friend called in the middle of it and I totally walked and talked to her in the middle. But really, I was praying she would call to keep me from running, as I felt like shit. To my credit though I did start running again once I got off the phone; cuz don't think it hadn't crossed my mind to just walk the rest of it.
But at the end of it, I was glad I went. I had gotten home after work and still gone running, which is all I really needed to prove to myself.
And I was all hopefully that I could keep it up.
But then I was stressing myself out today; just keeping my anxiety right there on the periphery of my psyche. I knew I should not be freaking out, and yet I couldn't just push it out of my mind. (Just lame work stuff, nothing I even have to make a decision about now, nothing worth expounding about further). So instead of running, I just totally ate a bunch of crap I didn't need to. Grrrrrr....
I was so hopefull and full of can do attitude last night too, and yet again I become my own worst enemy (instead of enemy there I had aciendentally typed "memory" - wonder what THAT Freudian slip is about!). Getting in my own way, forgetting that "full of hope" attitude. The funny thing about the end of my run yesterday is that I remember thinking to myself "my mind really does feel clearer, I really can just let it wander and yet focus at the same time when I run. THIS is why I need to do this more often."
And yet, the next day, it's all forgotten.
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