Last Night vs. The Present

I did go for another run last night, and it was pretty sucky. I had eaten crappy food on my way home from work, but still made it home by 10 and so went for a run anyways. I also cheated cuz a friend called in the middle of it and I totally walked and talked to her in the middle. But really, I was praying she would call to keep me from running, as I felt like shit. To my credit though I did start running again once I got off the phone; cuz don't think it hadn't crossed my mind to just walk the rest of it.
But at the end of it, I was glad I went. I had gotten home after work and still gone running, which is all I really needed to prove to myself.
And I was all hopefully that I could keep it up.
But then I was stressing myself out today; just keeping my anxiety right there on the periphery of my psyche. I knew I should not be freaking out, and yet I couldn't just push it out of my mind. (Just lame work stuff, nothing I even have to make a decision about now, nothing worth expounding about further). So instead of running, I just totally ate a bunch of crap I didn't need to. Grrrrrr....
I was so hopefull and full of can do attitude last night too, and yet again I become my own worst enemy (instead of enemy there I had aciendentally typed "memory" - wonder what THAT Freudian slip is about!). Getting in my own way, forgetting that "full of hope" attitude. The funny thing about the end of my run yesterday is that I remember thinking to myself "my mind really does feel clearer, I really can just let it wander and yet focus at the same time when I run. THIS is why I need to do this more often."
And yet, the next day, it's all forgotten.

Sundays

Obviously, I haven't posted - or run - in awhile. Things felt a little crazy with the new job and all. Getting used to that new schedule, I put running on the back-burner for awhile. Probably not the wisest choice; as running could probably help with the stress and my both mental and physical health. But you know, it always seems like the easiest, if not the best, thing to cut when I get busy.

I have adjusted to the new schedule, but I've keep falling into these little ruts of pity and whining. Probably another side effect of being tired/new schedule/stress - but I just haven't felt like I could get my emotional bearings lately. (Running would probably help with that too, but alas...)

But I did go on Sunday. It had been two Sunday's in a row I hadn't gone, and I almost always, always go on Sunday nights. Even if I come up with some lame excuse the rest of the week, I almost always go on Sundays. And I knew if I didn't go again and it became three weeks in a row I hadn't gone, I'd be in real trouble.

So, Sunday May 25
2.4 miles

It was the first mildly warm weather (which has since come and gone - welcome to Chicago where it's shorts on Memorial Day and fleece the next) of the season, and my run reflected that. I also noticed that with the warm weather, if I continue to run, I really need to invest in some kinda ofwhistle or pepper spray or something. There's just more people out in general, and they are out later. And all the leaves are back on the trees so it's just less bare, whichnormally I like, but on a run it just makes it harder to see what is, or is not lurking about. None-the-less, I day dream about running more and starting to do yoga again. Wither or not I'll actually make the time to do, or enjoy those things, has yet to be seen.

Svefn-G-Englar

I just heard a piece of music for the second time in the matter of hours. "Svefn-G-Englar" by Sigur Ros. It's such a beautiful piece of music, I'm not surprised it's used to beautify other forms of entertainment. But these two places it was used couldn't be more far apart; This American Life's episode on themortgage crisis (such a fantastic episode, really breaks it all down into understandable and humorous terms) and then an episode of CSI from the first season that I got from the library last week.

Well, encase you were worried, I have fully found my inner workaholic. I worked last
night till 9, home a little after 10, trying to fall asleep by 12. Alarm at 7 am, up at 7:30 am, work both jobs, done again at 9 pm, went to pick up my brother from his work and am home again by 11 pm. And if I get to sleep in the next ten minutes, asleep by midnight. I'm recalling my college years with increasing frequency. My biggest complaint is that I dreamt about work stuff last night - my few couple hours reprieve from it! Hopefully tonight isn't a repeat, and I'm really looking forward to these next hours of sleep. night.

This American Life on Mother's Day.

Well, This American Life did it again. Went ahead and made me take in the moment, re-connect to the human experience, cry a little. Well, This American Life and Johnny Depp.

I've never seen the show, but tonight my brother came by for a little Mother's Day celebration and over the course of conversation mentioned he's watching shows on yahooTV. So I went to the site, and the This American Life segement caught my eye. I thought I'd just see the first couple minutes and then maybe come back to it later. I should have known better. I was glued to my seat for the next half hour.

You can get sucked in and love it too, here.

And thanks Mom, for coming in and letting me share it with you, and watching with it me, again. Thanks for being the most supportive and loving mother you could possibly be. For pushing me out into the world, and letting me come back home after. The pizza stone, the card, the dinner and pie - all are just symbols of my love and appreciation. The things I charish most about being your daughter are those that immeasurable. Happy Mother's Day.

Wednesday May 7, 2008
1.98 miles

The run was humid, sweaty, and hard. I remembered why I hate running during the day. Hate it. And I did cut out the giant block around the high school. I'm on a time crunch, and like I said - it was humid, sweaty and not so fun. Still, I went, and doing that this week is good enough for me.

California Here We Come

At this exact moment it is 11:00 pm. I told myself if I went to bed now, I could still get 8 hours of sleep. And I'm telling myself that once I write this I will in fact turn my self in. Really.

But I had this moment today. Getting in my car at exactly 3:33 pm, needing to start my second job at 4, with google maps saying it takes 24 minutes to make this commute. I still have the podcast of This American Life on from my morning commute, mid cast. I keep it on and listen Ira Glass talk about what he's learned from television. Not even from his own show, but about this Fox Teen reality show. I could try to describe it, but I could never do it justice. You have to listen for yourself. It was Act 3. (But listen to the whole thing. Dadid Rakoff and Dan Savage are hilarious).

And you can have you're own moment with it. But for me, it was listening to it while I hummed along literally and figuratively on the highway from job to job, feeling like this day really is the first day of the rest of my life,or at least the next two eyar of it, and yet this little piece of radio putting me in the moment, in my car, in my life.

Come on out. Oh, the weather outside is weather...

Sunday May 4, 2008
2.4 miles

I took a week off from running- I wasn't feeling well and just decided to. The only thing with taking time off, is that you gotta eventually go back on. I tried to resist it, but I had told myself that I had to get back on the wagon tonight.
And if there ever was a week to start up again, this might not be the best. I worked at my 2nd job this weekend, and it's my first week at my new job. That means I'm on every day from Saturday to Friday, working both jobs on Monday, Tuesday, and Friday. Everyone keeps giving me this - oh that's gonna suck, aren't you gonna hate that - kinda look. But the thing is, since I've been unemployed/marginally-unemployed for 6 months, i'm so excited to be working and making money again that well, I just don't mind at all. I'm infact looking forward to it. Yes it's going to be an adjustment to doing nothing to doing a lot, but in the past I'm usually at my best when I have a lot of structure in my life. My only fear is that I've lost my work-aholic ways, but I have the feeling I'll find them again.
Anyways, maybe not the best time to add running back in, but I'm thinking if I can do it this week, I can do it any time. Always optimistic, we'll see tomorrow after my first 12 hour day (14 with commute) how it all goes.

Also, a little more of a Forgetting Sarah Marshall review: I was a little hesitant, because Judd Apatow had produced it, but that isn't a given that'll be funny. And it's Jason Segel's first writting credit (to the best of my knowledge) and it doesn't have most of the Aptow crew. No Seth Rogen (my fav) or Jay Barcuchel, and Jonah Hill and Paul Rudd are in it, but limitedly. In fact, one of my complaints would be that they, along with Bill Hader, weren't used to their full hilarious potential. Although new Brit I'd never heard of Russell Brand was in it a lot and very funny. I'm not sure the movie was worth $9, but overall I have fond memories and liked it.
I liked that the pace went quickly in the begining. And there's a scene in there where they show Jason Segel's penis - more than once. I know this was for comedic affect; as he is totally nude and the girl is fully clothed. But while this was happening, and I was laughing, I was also thinking "I wonder if everyone would be laughing if some girl's crotch was being showed? Or her boobs?" Women's bodies are shown naked in films all the time, but when men's bodies are shown naked it's shocking. So, even though I know it was for comedy, I appreciate Jason Segel for leveling the playing field a little, and showing some skin, a lotta skin.

Another Friday Night Title

Tonight I did one of the most fearful things a single person can do on a summer Friday night; I went to the movies alone. Going to the movies alone can be weird enough, but going on a Friday night when the weather is warm and big budget super-hero movie is coming out, well, it's down right intimidating.
I didn't think much of it, well ok, that's a lie. I knew it might be scary, but I didn't realize how much so until I pulled into the parking lot and saw all the cars. Rows and rows of cars.
Then, it was the crowd. The first wave being all the teenagers play-fighting/flirting outside the theatre while they wait for their parent's to pick them up. The second wave being all the teenagers on their phones and college students holding hands in a line waiting for Iron Man and popcorn. I survived the waves of studded wrist bands and pants with unused belts. I kept mum, paid for my ticket to the movie rom-com I was hoping Iron Man would be a good diversion from, found the theatre and headed to the back row. The theatre was a little more crowded than I expected or would have liked, but I would not let the masses win.
I sat in the back row, my feet up on the chair in front of me, and while I admit I hesitated for a moment, I regained my composure and took out my knitting as the previews started ( I do admit to timing it so I got into the theatre exactly 3 minutes before the film stated).
Had a great time by the way, I thought Forgetting Sarah Marshall was pretty good. It confirmed that everything Judd Apatow touches is hilarious, even if he's just producing. I wanted to see Iron Man or Baby Mama too, but I this was the movie I wasn't sure anyone else would go see with me, and it came out last weekend, so I was banking on a lesser crowd.
Only draw back was this: I realized while the previews were running why the sound is loud at the movies - it's to drown out the kids talking. As I had this thought, the next one was "When did this happen? When did I become an adult who wants to shhhhh kids." Ok, I'm not really going to shhhh anyone, I just secretly hope someone else will.
So, I am an shhhh-wishing adult who goes to movies and sits in the back and knits. And it's fun, and while it's not fighting on the front-lines of anything, I'm pretty proud of myself.