Around 3 o'clock today I got this sucker-punched sad feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was a accumulation of just depressing annoyances all adding up into this snowball. And then one more thing just sent the ball rolling and I felt like losing it.
So, instead of losing it, I went for a run. I forced myself down to my room, past my bed where I could just watch something sad on my laptop and cry, and instead squeezed myself into two pairs of leggings, sports bars, long-sleeve thermo shirts and my running shoes. Then out the door I went.
I've added some louder songs to my play list - some Foo Fighters and Silverchair - and it was fantastic. It's all still pop I know, but the screaming of Dave Grohl or that guy from Fallout Boy or Dashboard Confessional just gets me going. That, and Jay-Z's "99 Problems" - I smile every time I listen to it.
Anyways, the run didn't really help me escape feeling upset, but it did help with that sucker-punch feeling. It made the feeling plateau instead of escalate. Crying may have done that too, but crying doesn't burn as many calories or produce endorphins.
SO:
Saturday February 1, 2008
3.1341 mi
When I got back from my run I went to church. It's just the Unitarian Church two blocks from my house. I haven't gone much, but last week I started going the Saturday night service and I really like going at night. My friend last week said of my going to church "Oh, so your looking for something." I answered that that is probably accurate, but I started attending church semi-regularly over a year ago, and I couldn't tell you any more now than I could then why it is that I go. I just like going. It's like running - it gives me space to think and focus on myself while at the same time totally taking me out of myself. I don't know if that makes sense at all, but since when did church make sense in the first place.
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