Happy Thoughts

Wednesday January 9,2008
2.6396 miles

I didn't run last night, and I had a full day and night starting at noon today, so I broke my routine and ran in the morning today.
It started out as a good morning; I got up, had a great, I dunno what the word is, session? I had a great yoga session? Whatever, doing yoga was great this morning. But then I went for my run.
I don't really like running in the A.M., and here's why
-my body is dehydrated
-my body hasn't had any kind of nutrients yet.
- yes, I could eat breakfast and then run, but then I would have to get up an hour earlier than I would otherwise just so that my body can digest the food before I run. Running right after breakfast or running on no breakfast, either way, my body hates me, and I am unwilling to get up that hour earlier.
Because of these first two reasons, it's all I can do to keep my feet moving.
- I have a hard time focusing. It's still so early in the day that all I'm thinking is "I hate this."
- I know the argument of "But it's so great to have your run out of the way, you can go the rest of the day and not think about it, you've already done it." This is a solid point, however, I think if the run sucks, then what good is it if it's out of the way?

So, tomorrow is back to the evening/night run.


"you are the total package when you are happy Alex."
This was in an email to me a couple days ago, and for some reason the phrase came back to me as I was driving down Lakeshore tonight. I believe it to be true. I am the total package, and I'm the total package when I'm happy. A couple days ago when I read this; my first response was: well, duh. I know that. What I'm trying to do is find someone who can appreciate me when I'm not happy, I don't want to be have to be happy all of the time to be appreciated, to be the total package.
But tonight, I had this thought when the phrase came to me again: God, that's a lot of pressure to put on someone else. I mean, when I'm in a relationship, and I am happy, I can make it work so well. But if I'm unhappy, it's miserable. And that's a lot of pressure to put on that other person, to keep me happy all the time.
And that's the thought. I'm not putting a judgement on it. It just occurred to me for the first time: my happiness is a lot of pressure to put on someone else.
I need to be back in the place where I am responsible for my own happiness.