For reasons I won't post here, I've been thinking a lot about high school. Really, it's been on my brain since New Years, but tonight as I drove that familiar-but-always-astonishing route down Lakeshore Drive and out of the city these thoughts have returned. I wish I could more succinctly put my thoughts together, but even after a whole commute home it still hasn't come to me. It's about high school, but it just as much is wrapped up in ideas of identity and change.
How much can someone really change? What characteristics of one's personality are unchangeable? In eight years, how much has changed? And if you are still around the same people, is it really possible to change? This is just a theory, and I'll use "I statements" to keep this from being overly symbolic or metaphorical or for anyone thinking I'm talking about anyone in particular, because I swear to goodness I am not, but: if I am always around the same people, won't they always expect the same results from me? If I have changed, is it possible for friends and family to expect that, or will they want you to act as you always did? And reversely, do I feel the need to act the same around those people, do I fall into the same role because that's what I expect of myself when I'm around them? How am I to change? Do you have to go some where else completely to re-invent yourself? And if you do, what do you do when you return? And again, can you really change who you are emotionally and mentally at your core in the first place? New places or new faces, aren't I the same neurotic mess no matter how much I try to deny/change that?
We must change, we must. I know it. I know I am not the same person I was eight years ago. And people all around me keep showing me that they are not the same as they were eight years ago either. But there are some things that seem unshakeable, and why are some things so changeable and some are unshakeable?
This is the journalist/philosopher (my major and minor in college - my degree being something I did not have eight years ago) in me - always asking questions.
Ending on a high school note - I have to give a shout out to Dashboard Confessional - nobody gets high school emo angst like them/him - who helped keep the momentum from the Rock Band jam going. I needed something I could keep playing the drums/steering wheel on as well as scream along to and Dashboard Confessional was the closest thing on my ipod that filled that need (Kings of Leon was a close second, but I don't know all the words to those albums yet.) Another shout out to Strategic Consonants, a up and coming Chicago band that is truly hot and talented. And if you've made it this far - wow, good for you! Night.
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So...using your thought process...since your family has known you forever they won't help you change? Or be capable of seeing change? And for long term relationships - if you've known your "other" forever, you are saying that person only sees you as they originally did?
I see your point in some of this, but at the same time, I think it's short-sighted.
And also, maybe it depends on the person. Maybe your sister isn't capable of helping/seeing your change but your Mom is.
Interesting, interesting...I'd love to read these thoughts as they continue....
People do have core traits that make them who they are, and for the most part those don't really change. Never say never, there are people out there who make drastic changes but not often at least. It's what you do with those traits that can change.
Seeing change in another person is a learning process. Yes, at first your family, friends, etc. are naturally and instinctively expecting certain behavior from you. But consistently showing them that you aren't that person anymore, they'll learn the new you eventually.
There are some people who might refuse to see or acknowledge those changes, whatever their reason. They might keep trying to pigeonhole you-- but if you've truly changed, then you defy that and it won't matter. It'll become their problem, not yours.
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