The Fourth Question

My mom said she read my last post and had this question she would ask:

What role did you play in your broken heart?

I took a second to think, and this was my reply:

My role was two-fold.

Firstly, I should have ended it sooner. In my heart of hearts I knew it was over long before it officially ended, but I was too attached to really accept it. Holding on that long contribued to my being that much more hurt in the end. Realization from that: I recognize that I often do that; hold on to things for too long. Also, the hard but neccesary life lesson that you can fight as hard as you want for something, but wishin, and hopin, and prayin, and even fightin, just don't make it so sometimes.

Secondly, I censored myself in the relationship.
I can pinpoint exact moments when I did it, when I learned to.
I so desperately wanted to please; wanted to keep it going, that I forgot to that just being myself should be enough. I lost myself in the relationship, lost my heart, and by censoring it, contributed to it's broken state in the end.


Beyond that, I'm back in Chicago for the weekend. Should be fantastic, and will be very, very busy. Also, I resigned from my job officially, my last day will be November 16. Obviously, this is big news and probably deserves it's own posting, but it's too late for spouting about broken-hearts, jobs, and new adventures that await. One for now, the others can come later.