My Future's so bright...

...I think I need shades.

I'm becoming overwhelmed by the possiabilities that lay before me. ( I know, oh woe is me, but chalk it up to white privlege, and let me just ramble for a second.)
I've come to the reality that I want to go to grad school; it was hard to accept, but I'm pretty sure it's what I want. But what do I want to do? It's college all over again, it's making this decision that I feel like will affect the rest of my life and it just feels so scary.

What brought me to these thoughts tonight were the ghosts of memories loaming around every corner. Dinner at a friends house, the drive home, talk of times and places that are now part of my past. I won't work there again, I'm no longer with that person. My past is done, my ties are severed. I am in the perfect position to start over where-ever I want, doing what-ever I want.

And it's totally terrifying.

The thing is, I used to revel in this kind of adventure - or at least, I thought I did. I always wanted to be that person who could pick up and do anything, go anywhere. But one of the things about getting older and finding things out about myself is that, well, I don't really think that's who I am. At least not anymore. That situation sounds so completely scary. I realize the appeal of Michigan is that, at least I know what I'm doing.
As I write that, I realize it's also what I told myself for years leading canoe trips. I liked taking the rivers I knew - a canoe trip is hard enough, why have the added anxiety of not knowing the terrian?
But that thinking kept me to the rivers and lakes I was used to. (oh man, I'm quoting TLC now! Anyone else catcht it? Anyone?)

So I need to do the terrifying thing now. I'm doing that with a new job, and it's turning out great. Now I need to do it on a even grander scale - with the rest of my life. Figure out exactly what it is that I want, and where I want to go to get it.
Right, ok, so, where do I start....