Chicago

Chicago - I love you. I've left you to see other parts of the world, but I always return. It is you I love first. I am considering making you my home. I make no promises. I can't. I'm not in a place to make promises. But never doubt my love.

It's Lake Shore Drive. It's lightening above a sky-scrapper. It's the radio stations. It's Lake Michigan. It's Buckingham Fountain. It's the two story Dominicks on the corner. It's the news reporter and the camera guy crossing the street. It's the rain.

All you have to do is drive down Lake Shore Drive late at night, turn up the radio, and take in the mememory you are creating. It's catalogued into the millions of other times you've done this. Never-the-less, this time, as with every other, it feels special. It's beauty.

fanatic (fan-addict)

There are so many movies to be excited about for the fall -
"Ira & Abby" - because Kissing Jessica Stein was awesome
"Dan In the Real World" - because who doesn't love Steve Carrell, and even better, when he plays someone with real soul. (kinda like Adam Sandler; sure he's great just being funny, but he's even better when he's funny and real, a la "Spanglish" or "Reign Over Me"
"My Kid Could Paint That" - because you know you've wondered the same thing about abstract art and the movie just looks like it could spark such a great discussion after you've watched it.
"Lars and the Real Girl" - because Ryan Gosling is a actor/genius, thee actor of his generation, and the whole ensemble cast looks equally compelling, maybe even including and because of the blow-up doll
Even a little excited about "Resurrecting the Champ" - despite it's based-on-a-true-story - and - you -can -predict-how -it's- gonna -end - from -the -trailer feel, sometimes, those movies are just plain enjoyable.

Granted, I may be going to some of these movies alone this fall. But I'm living so far North that I'm not even sure if some of these will get to a theatre near me, and who knows what the future will bring. Plus, if they are as good as they look, going it alone doesn't matter.

StartDust

It may be a sign that I am extremely shallow, and naïve, but movies have an incredible impact on me. I just came back from seeing the movie StarDust. Now, I should preface that is a fantasy movie. This film has no basis in reality. That being said; there is a soliloquy that Claire Danes gives on falling in love that moved me.  Granted, she’s giving it to her true love who has just been turned into a rodent, and she doesn’t think he can understand her (the kind of vulnerability I can relate to: only given when you think no one is looking). But beyond that, I was sitting there in my movie theatre seat, as broken hearted and cynical as I am, my heart and mind - which are never of the same beat - both recalling “Yes, that is what it was like.”
And like that, there was hope. Ok, not just like that. I may be shallow, but a scene from a movie isn’t going to totally change my heart. I just recall that hope was there all along. Broken, bruised, blacked as it may feel. It will be whole and shine again, someday.
So here, publicly to Katie – because let's be honest, your probably the only one besides my mom that reads this – I take it back. The broken-hearted soliloquy I gave of my own; renouncing romantic love and disavowing that it was worth anything; I take it back. I am back to being a naïve romantic, vowing to never again lose my glorious self in another, only to let my love be mirrored by someone who loves it. I have faith – at least until the StarDust fades.

radio in my head

One of the first things I do in the morning is identify the song playing through my head as I patter, bleary-eyed, from my bed to the rest of my apartment. Lately, as soon as I’ve identified it (this can be the hardest part) I go to my laptop and play it. It started out a couple weeks ago with Justin Timberlake. That could be because of the wedding, which played Justin per our request, but the song that was in my head in the morning was Summer Love, not played at the wedding. Still, good morning song.
It ranges though, from the likes of Justin Timberlake to Lilly Allen to Keane to, this morning, Wilco. I’ve been avoiding the band Wilco a little bit, for personal reasons. But this morning, Company In My Back, was loud and clear in my brain. And I have to say, since I usually continue listening to the artist once I’m done with that first song, that Wilco is such a great
band.
Again, like with Justin, I have theories as to why Wilco will no longer be ignored and made its why into my waking self. But in the end, they’re just theories and over-analizations, because who knows why certain songs play from one’s sleeping self to the waking one?
Who knows, but I do enjoy the radio in my head.

light

There are lots of things I want to blog about, to tell you all about. Between the last time I blogged and now a lot of things have changed, and still, a lot of things the same.
But that’s all heavy stuff. And my last post was titled that, so how about some lighter fare?!
*I’ve watched this new tv show on Bravo (usually I hate reality shows, but on Bravo, I get totally hooked) called “Flipping Out”. The main guy the show is about has some serious OCD – not the touch-the –door-five-times kind, but the obsessively-neat kind. There’s a part of the pilot where he talks about his love of/need to make lists. It was at this point in the show that I realized, a little more than I’d like to admit, that I am similiat to this guy.
*I’ve been downloading all my music onto my new computer and have, among other things, re-discovered these things:
- The band Sublime is fucking awesome
- While sitting down doing other things the song Origami by Ani DiFranco hit me. The way some songs just have that impact, out the blue, when your not paying attention.
- Imogen Heap is so amazing, her music is so moving. I can't explain if its just nostalgia or not, but either way, it's good.
*After working continually since Thursday night and having company this weekend, by 5 tonight I was fried, so I sat on my couch and just read my two favorite magazines: Entertainment Weekly & Real Simple.
*I love Real Simple magazine. Look at these cool things I found in this months issue:
- Bottle Top Tripod, so you can be in the picture too!
- I don't even really like brownies all that much, but this is just such a cool idea! Not to mention, great recipes and good articles in Real Simple. I bought a subscription for my ex-boyfriend's Mom last year, but maybe this year I'll ask for it myself. Same goes for Entertainment Weekly really.

Heavy

A couple things I've been thinking upon over the past couple weeks:

1.) I love NPR and PRI. Seriously, I've been listening to my fav National Public Radio shows while working in my window-less office a lot lately, and it makes my whole day. All Things Considered, Talk of the Nation, Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, This American Life. I love you all.



2.) I am extremely excited to get back to my lovely city of Chicago at the end of this week. I feel like I've been forced to try and love it where I'm currently living. I mean, I've been the one forcing it; I've been looking for all the things I love about living up North. There are reasons. But I was emailing a friend of a friend from Chicago this week about Harry Potter. I thought he wasn't a fan, but turns out he was. He's a big movie - buff over all, and in emailing back and forth I realize I miss that. It may seem shallow, but I don't think it is. (Name that movie "Dave and Barry and I decided awhile ago that it's not what you are like, but what you like that makes a good relationship. Call me shallow, but it's the fucking truth " - hint, I've blogged about it before, and that quote may not be totally accurate) Up north, I just haven't found friends who enjoy pop culture, or really, I think, culture in general, as much as I do. I've been thinking of where I was in my life before I left the city, and I was really just discovering it. Going to free Latin music shows and then out to bars every week, going to movies, going to a new restaurant and meeting new people at parties all the time. I miss that. I miss friends who like the same thing that I do. Bands, movies, book-stores. This week I went to the movies by myself. I was excited for tonight because I had a friend who was going to go to the movies with me, but I just got a text that said "Can we go to the movies tomorrow? I need to go drink heavily". And it's not that I'm against heavy drinking, now that I think if it, I could use a stiff drink myself. But I miss the days of when drowning your sorrows in drinking heavily also meant listening to a band you love or eating a large bag of over-priced popcorn.



3.) I realize as well, that I was seriously depressed over the past year. I feel bad, and like apologizing to people in my life. I don't know exactly when it started, but I realize over the course of the past year I started sleeping more and more, I fell out of touch with friends, and over-all was not myself. The past couple weeks have been hard, but at least I feel like I've found myself again. A couple weeks ago a new friend pointed out during a conversation that "the thing about depression is that you don't really realize how depressed you were, until your not depressed any more. When you're in it, you don't even really know it."

I very much feel that way now. I'm not in it now, but I realize I was in deep in it for a extended period of time, and thank you so much to those friends who have kept up with me none-the-less.

Filling the Void

I’ve been doing everything I can to fill time. I wake up early and the days go by quickly, but once four oclock hits, and I’m out the officce door, I feel this black void pressing in. As a friend put it yesterday, I’m”re-organizing my schedule”. If the weathers good, I go straight to the beach. I fill the void of “what to do now?” every day around 4 & 8. It’s like I’m just waiting for it to be dark so I don’t feel so lame for being in my apartment. Anyways, even with this void staring me in the face, I feel so busy these days. So busy that even though I have tons of things I’ve wanted to blog about, I haven’t been able to! But, I’ve decided to put aside any other projects and just sit here and put it out there, lucky you! My love for Harry Potter knows now bounds. My void of “what should I do tonight?” on wednesday was filled by going to the new movie. It was opening night, and I love going to opening nights. If there was a midnight show in my area, I probably would have gone. Opening nights for movies are great, becasue when a movie is popular enough to have a midnight showing, it means there is a whole culture that belongs to that movie. Price of the movie - too much, price of watching all the fans gather for their own cultural event - priceless. Anways, i didn’t go to the midnight show, but I showed my devotion my going by myself. I haven’t gone to the movies by myself for a long time, and it was harder than I antcipated. Still, the movie was worth it. It’s not a perfect movie, and it’s not the best representation of the book, but I think it did a good job. I won’t say anything more to ruin it for you other potter fans (katie), but I think it did a great job of taking the themes of the book and making them into a movie and not a direct play-by-play of the book. Question though: The trailers included “Enchanted” a Disney movie and “The Bourne Ultimatium” (also can’t wait!) wihch is Warner Brothers, like Harry Potter. A Disney movie and a WB movie being pitched within the screen time? What has happened to the universe??? The fact that I notice this type of thing makes me a super geek. I’ve realize this. Last week I bought a Entertainment Weekly (double issue! Sweet!!!!), and have been saving it for beach time. I realize that I am a geek, just by virtue of “saving” to read it, and the fact that when I do read it, I read almost every article. A couple years ago, I went to my college mailbox and found a Entertainment Weekly. A friend bought me a subscription for a year, and I’ve been thinking on it, and remembering that it was one of my favorite presents. By the by, this week during “what to do, what to do” time and rode my bike all the way around the little lake. I added it up and it was 15 miles. Go me. And the night only got better from there, after a shower I met friends in town and filled the void of time till 2 am! Not every night has been like that, but I like it that way. I'm not a 2 am-er everynight, but it makes the nights I stay in seems well spent, and makes the nights I go out seem worth-while. Variety is the spice of life.