Rambling Girl Alex

Important Stuff

2010-08-26T18:17:00.000-07:00

While packing up my little studio I have a plain brown filing box that is labeled: "Important Stuff: *Incase of fire, grab this first!"

Let's see what's in it before it gets moved under my bed at my parents place:

-Countless photos. *but also includes the "I voted" sticker & voter receipt from my vote for Obama in 2008

- poultry: a Summer Read Duck & a Birthday Turkey

-a small red box with many small, personally valuable objects
(basically the file box, on a smaller scale)

-four cards, with nothing written on the inside

-a rock from the Spanish River in Northern Ontario
- a star with HOPE on it
- a carabiner from a father to a daughter to me
- my Bay Trip Feather
- a mother's feather
- a lover's feather
- all the library cards I've ever had
- "Speak No Evil" monkey
- Buddha from Cambodia
- Turtle from Northern Michigan
- barrette from Paris

- wooden canoes
- more photos

- small stones in a plastic bag
- a feather fasicnator
- my undergraduate diploma
- my maternal grandparents wedding rings,
and the envelope my Oma sent them to me in

- an angel, that has hung in just about every (bed)room
I've ever had since I was born

I'm still not done packing, so there might be more stuff that goes in the box. But most other important things (specifically pieces of jewelry comes to mind) are in every day use, and won't need to find a good resting spot while I'm in transition from grad school to....whatever comes after graduate school. So, while in this transition from one major section of life to the next, they will be here, waiting.

So, what's in your box?

2010-05-08T16:48:00.000-07:00

The Peace of Wild Things

When despair of for the world grows in me
And I wake in the night at the least sound
In fear of what my life and my children's live may be;
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water,
and the great heron feeds
I come into the place of wild things
who do not tax their lives for thought of grief
I come into the presence of the still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their lights, for a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

- Wendell Berry

Don't Stop Believin' !

2009-10-02T20:08:00.000-07:00

Instead of doing homework like I had intended, I got home from the YMCA this morning and watched tv on the internet. I caught up on Glee, and I am quickly falling in love. Each episode has a rendition of a song that I just end up smiling about - like the kid doing Beyonce’s Single Ladies in his basement. This last episode had a fantastic finale number of “Somebody to Love” that I was so enthusiastic about I went to iTunes to buy the song. [which is of course what Fox wants me to do. I read somewhere while Fox of course wants people to watch the show, that it does not need to pull colossal numbers because it can make money through all the spin off marketing, i.e., people like me who bought a song off itunes for $1.29.]
While on itunes I also saw the cast’s version of “Don’t Stop Believin’” - from the very first episode - which I was also close to buying, but stopped by reminding myself that eventually there will be a soundtrack to the show, the library will get it, and I will check it out. Still, I cannot for the life of me get it out of my head. And I fear that I will burst into song here at the library any moment. Ok, not really. Still, it will not leave my mind.

I also caught up Project Runway- and if you are not caught up, do not read ahead. Since some of the girls and I don't have the regular Wednesday night Project Runway + Rockband nights, there is no one to discuss the hot messes that come out on the runway. So I am going to discuss them here. I have to say, ever since the team project when they made Epperson out to be a bit of a bossy-know-it all, I was not a fan. And while the judges loved the brown dress he
did, I thought she looked like a prostitute. However, that being said, the Western piece he did in the last episode was truly inspired. Loved the way it moved, loved the way it looked, loved it. On the other hand, I really like the snarky Nicolas, but can’t believe the judges picked his ice queen as winner. Was it good? Yes. Was it winner good? Ehhh. Not really. I thought Christopher’s was much more unique, interesting, and beautiful. Or even Epperson’s, like I said, they both were so great. Nicolas, while I do like him, it was so so. And I can’t believe Ramon is gone. Talent taken
out by Kermit gone bad. Oh well.

What I really need to do is be reading more of Niall Ferguson’s Ascent of Money - I’m struggling a little bit with understanding the section on bonds, but overall I do like the book. I just rather watch tv musicals or a hot mess on the runway. Or, Top Chef, which I also can not wait to catch up on.

For Lack of a Title

2009-09-22T21:39:00.000-07:00

Wasn't really planning on blogging tonight - so get ready for some extra rambling - but wanted to thank katieromo for the shout-out, and I got a voicemail from our mutual DC friend that mentioned she needed some reading material so I wanted to give that shout out as well.

And what I really should be doing is going to bed. I haven't been sleeping poorly, but I haven't been sleeping well. I had a homework dream the other night, and those are just no fun. at all.

This happens frequently though. As I walk through the alley to my apt. I envision myself walking into my apt., putting my jammies on, brushing my teeth, and going to bed. But this is what actually happens: I walk into my apt, I put my jammies on, I think - tea? Or teeth brushing? Tonight, it was "No, just brush your teeth and go to bed." And I did brush my teeth, flossed even, and used my mouth wash. But while using my mouth wash, I also got on the internet - "just one last time" - and here we are now, blogging.

What is happening more frequently is that when I walk into my apt. , many times the last time I was here for longer than five minutes was more than twelve hours ago. So I haven't been home, to just sit and do nothing, for awhile. I don't want to go to bed. I want to watch tv, or read my book. Or, apparently, blog.

Not that I am complaining about my wonderfully full life. On reflection, I actually had a really decent day. I stayed busy at work, even if I felt tired. I went to school and got free pizza for dinner at a library student shin dig. I stayed way longer than intended at the library shin-dig talking to people and feeling like an old sage talking to all the newbie library students. I did forgo the trip to the YMCA, which I should not have done, but in the hour longer that I stayed at the library I got 90% of my homework done. Which is simply awesome. There was another library shin-dig, at a local bar, and I went and met more cool librarians (even a very cool, very cute, straight, male librarian - a real rare thing - but also so cool, cute, straight, and male, that he has a girlfriend. I mean a male that is cool, cute, straight AND single? in library school? it's like myth, a legend, a ghost. the holy grail - simply unobtainable.) All in all, it was a good day.

And not all together a very interesting blog. But there you have it.
Oh, but I do have to mention - that I'm loving all the wonderful television on again. Top Chef, Project Runway, The Office. I can't wait to catch up on House and Lie to Me from last night. And I am not ashamed to admit it - I am in love with the Biggest Loser. Seriously, I cried (although, this isn't really all that abnormal for me. I wouldn't be surprised if a especially poignant commercial moved me to tears.) I know, it's reality television. And it's reality television about overweight people - and I would expect the worst from that kind of television, but instead, I find it inspiring and tactful.

Also, speaking of shout outs - Thanks to Carpenter for the comment, awful nice of you, thanks!

Perfect, 12:00 on the dot. Maybe I can still rescue myself from zombie-dom tomorrow.

Why Yes, it has been awhile.

2009-09-20T21:10:00.000-07:00

Oh, Hi.

So.

Yea.

It's been awhile.

Me? Oh, I'm good, good. Oh, you know. Just in the area. My friend is blogging again, and got me thinking about my blog. Yea, I know it's been awhile. It's just, well, I'm always so wishy washy about this blogging business. I feel like I whine a lot on here, and you never know whose reading. Plus, right now I'm listening to this book on cd; one of the characters (spoiler alert!) who is foreshadowed to be some kind of psycho-path serial killer is an IT guy who hacks into systems and looks at what people search on their computers and finds out all sorts of creepy information about his victims by what they post on the internet. Listening to it makes me fear facebook more than I already do. Let alone having a blog.

Still, I am loving katieromo's new look. Plus, it's always nice that the internets is waiting patiently out there to listen to me blather away about the books I'm reading or the movies I go see. Sure, what I'll probably end up doing that dog-chasing-its-own-tail thing that I do so well with my own insecurities in cryptic blog-speak.
But for tonight, before I sign off, I'll just say this:

I am reading two books that happen to be by Scottish writers, and the books couldn't be more different:

1.Dying Light - by Stuart MacBride. Just wanted to pick up a new detective series, cuz I'm a sucker for them. It's mediocre, but like I said, I'm a sucker.

2. The Ascent of Money - Niall Ferguson. Niall Ferguson is amazing - I've heard him on radio and tv programs, but I've never read any of his books. So the opportunity presented itself in class to read his books, and I talked the Prof. into letting me do his latest. Makes me remember how fascinating I find the whole financial world to be, and also reminds me how much I miss listening to the Planet Money Podcasts. I'm less that a 100 pages in, and I wish I didn't feel so rushed to get it done for school, but I'm super glad I picked it. Nial Ferguson, I heart you.

What Kind of Week It Has Been

2009-01-16T16:04:00.000-08:00

Here is a story that epitomizes the kind of week I have had. I’m trying to deal with all my bills and money stuff for the rest of the month this morning, and decide that it is time to take all the change I’ve been collecting for the past several months into the bank to convert it to cash. I keep the small plastic boxes that my face-wash clothes come in, put one by the door and keep put my spare change or a dollar in it every day. In the parking lot of the bank I gather up these three boxes of change I have and start walking to the bank. I get just to the end of the parking lot and two of the boxes slip from my arms and crash into the pavement, coins flying everywhere. Sure, on it’s own this is simply annoying. But in Chicago it happens to be in below zero outside, with a wind-chill of -28 degrees. So there I am in the freezing cold with all my saved up quarters, nickels, dimes and dollars splayed across the parking lot. Whatta ya gonna do? I’m not about to leave what I know to be a lot of money just laying there on the pavement, especially with the kind of money-needing week I’ve been having. I guess just start picking them up, but I can’t with my gloves on because the coins are too small and I need my fingers, so I have to watch my bare hands get cracked and red as I pick up all the change. This old woman stops and tries to help me but eventually says “I can’t, it’s too cold” and I thank her for her help, but not to worry and just get inside. I end up having to alternately keep one hand in my pocket as the other picks up change now grimmy change off the ground (surprising that’s not a line in an Alanis Morissette song). I eventually gather it all up, get inside the bank. I’m at the coin-converter machine, up to $64.08 thank you very much with a box yet to go, and the machine just stops and says “Malfunction, See Attendant.” Eventually someone comes and helps me, but as he uses his key to get inside the machine he sighs this unencouraging “ohhhh....” Yeah, machine is broken. Really, I tell hiim, I should have expected this, this is the kind of week I am having.
Yes, I have an account there, yes the money is in the machine and mine, and yes we can go over to his desk and he is very polite and chatty and nice and almost cute, and I appreciate everything he’s saying. But No, I will not get my money today, and they are closed on Monday, so no, it will most likely be until till Tuesday that I hear anything about it. I said, that’s ok, next week will be better anyway.

Rought Draft

2009-01-06T20:01:00.001-08:00

I meant to post this yesterday, but time keeps getting away from me. I have this Prof. who has, via email with more information than you could ever want to know, given an assignment before class has even started. Now, I understand having something that needs to be done when you come into class the first day, hit the ground running and all that. But this was due today, a full 9 days before class even starts. A little much if you ask me. A simple assignment, but still, let a girl enjoy her break in peace please.

So, here's the assignment. I wrote an off-the-cuff response yesterday morning just to get myself going, and I thought I'd post in here. Maybe if I have time tomorrow I'll post the polished version I sent him. But here's the roughest of roughest drafts I've ever thought up -

Could each of you send me a one page statement of why you want to be a librarian in general and why you taking this course in particular (obviously, the two are related). This is also required for the course. Please send them to me, via email, by January 6 at 5pm. Thank you.

Here's my deal - worked in libraries in my formative young adulthood. Went and explored other areas such as alternative and outdoor education. Came back to libraries. I like working with the public. I'm good at it. I like the pace. I like that there is certainty and routine, while also being full of surprises. I like being surrounded by knowledge, it feeds my appetite for information and new things.
This course, is required, that's why I'm taking it. But I look forward to getting a lot out of it. I've worked in Circulation quite a bit, but also worked in Youth Services, I've held programs at libraries, but I have yet to do much with Adult Services, and I hope this course will expand my ideas of what this area has to offer. To me, it's just sitting behind a desk and answering questions, and obviously, it's a lot more than that. (just as Circulation is a lot more than checking books in and out) I'm hoping this course opens my eyes to all that reference can offer, to the doors it can open in other fields. I'm not sure really where I want to go in the library field, and I'm hoping this course helps broaden my horizons while also helping me to narrow my focus and learn more about what reference has to offer me, and what I have to offer reference.

Losing and Letting Go

2008-12-20T21:10:00.000-08:00

Obviously, it's been a little while. A little thing called Finals came up. Haven't received my official grades, but I'm quite positive I got A- in my hard 770 class, and in my 701 class I have no idea, but every paper I got back I got an A on, so I'm feeling confident.

Of course the winter break hasn't really felt like one, the social calendar has been filling up, but that's a good thing. It's been a pretty hectic week and in that chaos I lost my keys in my car one night, and tonight I went to the movies with my phone and came out having no idea where it went. It did occur to me that I unconsciously lost it because I was awoken this morning by texts from the past (i.e., texts unintended for me sent accidentally by people I haven't talk to in months if not longer). I should just text them back to take my number out of their phone, but maybe instead I went ahead and lost their number by losing my phone. Really though, I'd rather find my phone, and I have no idea where this serious case of absent-minded-ness is coming from.

Not really sure what's going on in general, as this season I am just not feeling Christmas-y. I'm not enjoying all the typical things I love about the season. Usually, every year I love putting together my Happy Holiday cards, writing at least one a day from Thanksgiving to New Year. This year, I've hardly done any and the ones I did pound out were yesterday. I think my friends and I have scrapped presents all together, which is fine, seeing as I can't really afford much at this point, nor would I know what to get them if I did. Sacred immediate family night of Christmas Eve is even up for grabs as to what's going to happen.
The crazier part, is that it's ok. Things change, nostalgia is nostalgia for a reason; it's in the past. If it's not enjoyable any more, maybe it's time to let it go. I'm never really good at letting things go. At all. Might as well ride the wave while I'm on it, see where this holiday season goes.

Moving past the holiday season, a new year for the world and for myself is coming up - the year of 2009 and my 27th birthday. I'm not really looking for a lot of celebrating, but if you're wondering about what's on my ever growing wish list:
Large unisex t-shirt from ThisAmericanLife, or the season 1 dvd.
or, ya know, possibly a new phone.

snap shots of saturday

2008-11-29T21:44:00.001-08:00

I had a pretty great Saturday night all by myself here in my apartment.

I weeded out some of my Christmas ornaments, placing only the select few that made it through on my childhood Christmas tree. Still think I must be missing a box of my ornaments since the star is missing. Nonetheless, I kinda like my tree a little sparse this year, it's so nice to have it up.

Technically, I did some homework. This consisted of typing up paper requirements and the paragraph that's in my text book on my paper topic while listening to Planet Money podcasts.

Then, catching up on my This American Life podcasts, I baked some cupcakes. I'm starting to experiment with decorating with frosting. Last time I tried out some Gel frosting and accidentally died my co-workers' mouths blue. So, this time I went with some real frosting, and it was little shaky. But for the first go around, not bad right?

of course, I also fitted in some knitting. Had a pretty good time with all that too, just me, myself, and i.

Probably should have fit in a bit more homework though. This is the last week of the semester, and this is what I've got: one presentation this Monday, one 6-8 page paper due next Monday, one book discussion next Monday, and one 8-10 page paper due next Wednesday. Let you know how it all goes when I resurface in a week...

Sah

2008-11-16T17:01:00.000-08:00

I got this piece of advice last night from a far off but very close friend. In a matter of fact, this-is-what-you-are-going-to-do way she said "You need to just take care of Alex, the rest will come after you focus on yourself."

I totally appreciate what she has to say. And I agree, completely. I've gotten this advice many times before, from various sources, and that's why -

- it just occurred to me, (that's how these blogs seem to happen - I'm in the middle of writing some paper, stare off into space for a second as the song changes on my ipod to some Beyonce pop feminism, and then I'm struck into thought on something I feel compelled to explore inarticulately here). Where was I again, oh yes -

Haven't I been "taking care of myself" for well over a year now? It was a year ago, probably this very week, that I left my secure full time job where I was miserable to go to Toronto, to be taken in by friends and figure my shit out? Wasn't that taking care of myself? Moving home was hard, and while I don't know if I would call it a year of little stress or anything, I was pretty focused on myself. Getting myself a job, getting myself into grad school, getting myself into an apartment. I've leaned on my friends and family pretty heavily this year, and focused a lot on what I needed to do.

I've typed and then deleted three different threads of thought from there, so I'm just gonna get back to this paper - my last Read and React of the semester, thank goodness.

Oh but before I forget, I need to run a correction - The drummer of Kings of Leon, Nathan Followill, is not the rest of the band mate's cousin, he's a brother. Caleb, Jared, and Nathan = brothers. Matthew, who plays guitar, he's their cousin. No matter really, I'm in love with them all. They are playing a benefit concert in Chicago the night before my birthday in January, but it being for a good cause and all, ticket prices are now $150 - 200, and if I have $150 to spend (really, $300, cuz who wants to go alone?) I'm inclined to spend it on other essentials. So next time around boys, just make sure you make it back here to Chicago again soon.

Wordy

2008-11-08T20:15:00.000-08:00

1. Have been listening to the new Kings of Leon album, >Only_By_The_Night>. I wasn't in love with it on the first listen, but I think that's due to the fact that I'm so in love with their album "Because of the Times". However, there are some songs that I cannot stop listening to, and my adoration is only growing for this new album. In particular, the songs Use Somebody, Manhattan, and Be Somebody. I'm kinda enamored with them lately. For one, they are very cute (and of course, I'm most intrigued with the long haired, glasses wearing drummer Nathan), and they are of course talented. They also come from this crazy religious background, their dad (the three other band members are brothers, Nathan is their cousin) was a pentecostal minister, and that just throws me in a way I can't seem to articulate. So I guess it'll just have to end at that.

2. Did not end up going to the Obama rally. There is of course a part of me that wishes I had, mostly because I didn't end up getting anything done on my paper anayways - too busy checking the results online - and would have really enjoyed being in the city on a night so filled with love - I think I could have really used that. But I'm not really dwelling on it too much, what's the point of regret? It is what it is. I do have to include this here, from my friend who wrote me an email after that blog post, and this is a summarization:
I laughed and laughed at your blog post. So typically Al, always worried about what your missing out on.

Kinda called me on my shit and put me in my place, which really is appreciated. Think I needed to hear that and am, have been, as always, trying again to just appreciate being in this moment.

3. As for this moment right now - spent all day finishing up a paper for this big group project. And it feels so good to have it written, but I did take my time. I like having the time to procrastinate. I write a little, wander the internet (what did I do to procrastinate before the internet?), write a little more. A lot of the that wandering the internet is spent on facebook, and I found these two things today:
My friend Chris posted this, which is a little old, but as a West Wing fanatic, and Obama supporter, I loved endlessly:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/21/opinion/21dowd-sorkin.html

thank you Chris!

Also, found this Addicted to West Wing application on facebook which has a ton of West Wing quotes, which is unfortunate for you all, because it means I'll just post them more regularly, like this one:

I want women to have help from the government. I want women to earn what men earn. I want everyone to earn enough so that everyone can make the right choice for their family. After that, it's none of your business who stays home and who goes to work." - Amy Gardner.

4. There was something else....
Oh yeah. So a couple weeks ago, my friends and I were on a bus, talking about a the upcoming Halloween Party my friend was throwing. Conversation turns to the guest list and whose coming, and Friend 1 says some guy's name that I don't know and Friend 2 says, "Oh, he's coming? Isn't he single? Maybe Al can make out with him?" I was only half paying attention considering I didn't know anyone coming to the party and didn't really follow as the conversation went in some totally other direction and forgot about it till the party. But after the Halloween Party I asked Friend 2 on the drive home, "hey, why did you say that last week about that guy?" Her response: "I dunno, you're both single."
Seriously, this is the qualifications now for hooking up? Just gather the two single people you know, maybe they'll make out. I didn't realize that became a factor in the game as you get older, since the number of single people shrinks eventually all of us single people will just couple up? Ironically Friend 2, also single, so I'm even more perplexed as to why it would be that I would get together with this guy. I guess out of the three of us at that party who were single (no wait, 6 single people, 6 couples, a ratio of one couple for every single person) I would be the one to do it. Not really sure if I'm as comfortable with that piece of mirror being held up.
This gets into a whole other territory of a us vs. them = couples vs. singletons blog that could be interesting, but I'm not really sure where I'm going with it. It's just going to get so much more interesting as we get older.

Obviously, I am in this wordy rambling thought kinda place (can you tell I've been writing all day?!) so I should just end this now before I get myself into any more trouble.
Cheers.

Defining Moments

2008-11-03T21:04:00.000-08:00

Heres the scene:

I have this HUGE group project due next Wednesday. It's a case study of a public library, involving a 20 minute presentation and a 12 - 20 page group paper.
I was a good student all weekend. I didn't drink at a Halloween party Friday so I would be good to spend all day Saturday doing homework, which I did, till about 1:00 am. Got up 8:00 am on Sunday and kept at it till 2:00 pm, finishing a paper for another class.
And that felt so good, having spent the time and got this thing done, and I could go out and enjoy celebrating a good friend's birthday that night.

Now it's Monday night, I had class. Tomorrow night, my friend is hosting a Election Party, and I said I can't go because I have to do homework. Which is true. My group is meeting on Wednesday so we can get our shit together for next week. This means tomorrow night, Tuesday night, I need to get some of my own shit together for the project. As a good grad student, I should stay in and do homework.

But as a citizen, as a Chicagoan, as a voter, I would really love to just go downtown tomorrow night and see the show. Obama is hosting an election night rally at Grant Park, and while I do not have tickets, I would still love to just go down and just see how far into the city I could get. Just be in loop. Just be there.
This is going to be historic, either way. I mean, how many times can you live in the same city as the possible President Elect? This is once in a life time, to be in a position to so close to history.

But this project is worth 30% of my grade. Grrrr.....
I called my friend/fellow student Sheila tonight. We call each other whenever we're having "god damn grad school!!! AHHHH" moments. We're also in the same group for this project, and both feeling the pinch about it. I was saying, you know, can you imagine you grandkids saying "Grammy, where were you when Obama was elected president?" And my answers gonna be, "oh, I was in the basement of the library working on a paper." But beyond that. Screw the grandkids, for my life time, it would be an amazing experience. I'm a person whose fairly interest in politics and current events, and love being on my own in a big city.
Plus, Sheila made this point at the end of the conversation, "You should go. Do not let 9/11 be the defining moment of your lifetime." This really struck me. I mean, for my lifetime, what the grandkids will be asking so far is "Where were you on 9/11?" It would be nice to have a moment that's on the opposite scale of momentous to add be defining.

I'm not really sure what I'm gonna do. Having homework really effects my immediate day-to-day life. And I would feel guilt that if I did skip on that paper for the night, I should be at my friends party.

OK, I'll I'll be honest, this is is the plan for my day" Get up before the sun to go vote, then go to work, then go work on this project all night checking the internet all night trying to see what's going on.

But I'm hopeful that tomorrow there will be a new defining moment for our country, no matter where I am personally.

Under vs. Grad.

2008-11-01T17:25:00.000-07:00

From the view of this table on one side of the university library basement, I can see four people, including myself, that are here. I would bet money that almost all of us, are grad students or obtaining some higher degree than a bachelors. How do I know this? Because it is 7:30 pm on a Saturday night.

That is the difference between undergrad and graduate student. Even if I did not have plans on Saturday night as a undergrad - and in all likelihood, that was the case - the last place I would have been was the library.
But as a grad student, so many more responsibilities have entered your life. And I say this as someone who as an undergrad had 3 different jobs, was a full time student, and belonged to too many campus groups. Now, I have one job, and it takes up 30 hours of my week. And still, here I sit on a Saturday night - the university library. Because this is the time during my week that I have several unscheduled hours to just sit here and write papers.

Stories I've told

2008-10-25T22:56:00.000-07:00

It's been a tough week, especially school wise and that stress permeates into all the other aspects of my life. Running took a back seat. Ok, it got put in the trunk. But I plan on going tomorrow morning (although , is already pretty late tonight...)

Here are some stories I told this week:

Before my case study paper, this was the background on my computer:

Which I took when I was in Hawaii two years ago.

Around Monday (case study was due Wednesday), it changed to this:

which is self explanatory, and happens to be from visiting friends in Michigan.

Also,
Last night a coworker, let's call her Ruma, came in with her young children let's say, Ashima,7, and Sonia,5, she started talking to another co-worker, so I took upon myself to entertain the kids and took them into the stacks to find Halloween books. When we got back to the desk, the older one started this conversation:
Ashima: Do you have children?
Me: Oh, no, no I don't.
Ashima: Are you married?
Me: Nope. And I don't have a boyfriend, it's just me at my house.
Sonia: Do you have peace and quiet?
Me, laughing: Yes, I do have peace and quiet. Do you have a peace and quiet at you're house?
Sonia: Oh, no! We do not have peace and quiet and our house.
She and her sister then preceded to interrupt each other and get into a hitting fight.
It was kinda the cutest thing, and the whole interaction made my whole night.

Unfortunately, there is not peace and quiet here right now. My upstairs neighbor must be playing some kinda of musical instrument, or is seriously into guitar hero, or something, but it is really loud. It's been kinda loud most of the night, but I was watching a movie, so I blocked it out. Now, I'm trying to sleep, so that could be harder. I really need to get the courage up to go up there and tell them to shut the hell up please.

Oh the irony...

2008-10-18T17:28:00.000-07:00

I have to write another 750 word Issue Response on either Digitization or Library As Place. At first glance, I could have told you Library As Place would be a better topic for me. Because the class we spent on digitization - couldn't even tell you what happened for those three hours, other than I left feeling really frustrated, because I was completely uninterested. Sure, I should be interested, seeing as it's probably the future of library science and all, and my professor kept saying " I swear it, in the next five years there will be a copyright lawsuit going to supreme court on this." Although again, I could not explain to you what she was talking about, because I just didn't get it. In one ear out the other.
So, the obvious choice is Library as Place. Except that there's this book that I should have gotten forever ago but didn't, and the Library as Place has a chapter in that book that supposed to be the main focus of the Issue Response. So I can't do Library As Place. Digitization, not surprisingly has all the resources available on-line. And, you know, since this is due on Monday, all the copies of the book that's needed are checked out of any library in a 20 miles radius. Plus, you know, it's 7:30 on a Saturday night, and like I said, this is due on Monday.
After reading half of the article on Digitization and going "Oh my god, I have no idea what I just read," and seriously doubting my bullshit capabilities for a 750 word article (I mean, I was an English major, so I'm good, but not that good) I decided to just wing it and type in the book I need to google and see what happened.

Low and behold, kid you not, the book is on books.google.com. Can't print it or copy it, but the whole book, chapter needed and all, right there for the reading. So, the book I need for Library As Place, available to me due to digitization - which I can't seem to understand or care about to save my life - but it's irony is not lost on me.

Now, to get my self excited about Library As Place, and start all over again, so very late in a deserted university library basement on a Saturday night....

Gushing

2008-10-17T22:47:00.000-07:00

For reasons of anonymity I won't go into the who, the when, or the why of this, but...

Recently, I was standing next to this cute, smart, nice, talented guy who I respect, and he was saying these really nice things about me to someone else. "They loved her, you should have seen it...." Of course it was wonderful to be spoken of in such high praise. I found myself wanting to reach out and touch his arm, to just gesture to him in some way some kind of recognition and reciprocation of the affection. But stopped my self, just smiled and said something modest and self-deprecating like "Oh really, I don't know about all that..." And soon after left the conversation and scene altogether.
The whole thing left me feeling kinda sad to be honest. Like I said, it was wonderful to have such great things said about me, and to be there to appreciate them. But I was also reminded of how much I miss that. That being, a great guy to stand next to while he boasts about me - and to feel this mutual adoration, to want to boast about him in return. I just kinda miss that.

Running and Homework

2008-10-17T09:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday and today:
2.73 miles.

Homework due:
Issue response on Monday
Case Study on Wednesday
Lots and Lots of readings
On-going Group Project due in late November

Long Tail markets

2008-10-13T19:48:00.000-07:00

It should be noted, that the elusive good article I thought I found yesterday - I did not find. It was too short and didn't have enough substance. But it did lead me directly to a pretty good article; it was about Long Tail markets, and I actually found it kinda interesting.

In other news: I have been running again. Started out pretty small, just running one song, walking one song. But today I did pretty good. 2.6 miles, and just walked one song after I rounded the middle.

The Ellusive Perfect Article

2008-10-12T18:13:00.000-07:00

I've been here in the basement of the University Library for, oh, at least and hour and half. I came here after work (ok, with a quick stop at Target to procrastinate just a little) and am imposing a rule on myself that I cannot leave until I find an article for my Read and React assignment that's due on Wednesday.
I was hoping to do this yesterday, hell, I was hoping to write the damn thing yesterday, but I spent the entire day reading for and writing my Issue Response that's due tomorrow. It's frustrating that it takes a whole day to write a 750 word (that's like, a page and half) paper - but there's still all this reading and "critical thought" (i.e. - how the hell do I semi-eloquently say what I would otherwise just tell the Prof. in person) involved, it ends up taking way longer than I'd like.
So it would seem it is the same is true for these Read and Reacts. This is my second one, and I swear it takes longer to find a damn article to write about than to write the reaction itself, which is only a 100 word abstract and 500 word response.
There's a subtle science to finding the right article: You don't want it to be too long, because you are going to have to read the freaking thing. Can't be too short, cuz it has to have enough substance to actually review, and ya know, care about somewhat. That care about thing comes into play quite abit, cuz while you're reading you are also trying to figure out how you're going to write something about it - if you are uninterested, you will come up with nothing. It needs to be from a reputable source, and again, the page length comes into play, because I don't want to spend two dollars printing out/coping an article, or several that won't end up working. Some articles you start to reading thinking they'll work, that some how you'll be able to relate this to library science, only to discover that it's not, and has to be abandoned.
So, after an hour of searching, I kinda cheated.
Except I don't really think it's cheating, because this is a big part of being a good Librarian: finding reliable sources quickly.
What I'd done last time wasn't working (basically, browsing JSTOR with key words) so I thought, "well, what did my classmates do theirs on last time?" Of course there's a kid in class whose even more anal, I mean, "on-top-of-it," than I am - he's been the first to post his responses both times. I look at his response from the journal "Library Administration and Management." Well hell, that could practically be a subtitle to this class , which means there's gotta be something in there. I go the shelf, find the current issue, and low and behold - a perfect 4 page article.

And it's only 8:30 pm! (that exclamation point is sarcasm by the way). Time to go home and feel "done" for the day. Tomorrow I have off of work, but, as you can probably guess, there's still a whole lot of school work that lays ahead of me. Basement Library Desk: I'll see you in 12 hours.

Well that was almost a disaster

2008-10-09T21:10:00.000-07:00

Just did a knitting program at the library where I used to work. And seriously, it was about "this" close to being a disaster. I did not, simply did not expect 20 people who were beginning knitters. We had capped the program at 20, and it filled up by last week. Someone at the library counted 27 a one point who attended. We'd left it very informal so that beginners and people who knew how to knit already could both come and just sit and chat and knit. But of course, almost everyone was new. I think, about 4 people already knew. Thank god my mom's friend also came to help us instruct. It was little by the seat of our pants, but I think we did a pretty good job and that people walked away with knowledge of how to knit. So, objective met.

It seems apparent from the demand for the program that there is a serious need asking to be met by knitters. Everyone left asking if we were going to be there next week (the answer is no - I had to take off work just to do this once). I'm sure part of it is because there's a lot of great things about knitting (i.e, making something by hand, a zen and calm that comes once you've gotten it down), but there's also this component of just getting together with other people in your community to sit and chat and knit. The make up for the women (and no, it doesn't escape my attention that it was all women, that no men had signed up) who came was also interesting - a make up maybe of 70% African American, 30% white, all ages, (next time, no one under the age of 18, they need a class all for themselves), and a transvestite. This is why I moved back to the city - for this community. I can knit anywhere, and I do, but who you knit with can make a world of difference. The compassion, patience, interest and diversity of the community is what made the program not a disaster, but a success.

Thoughts on Urban Living while Grocery Shopping

2008-10-08T22:28:00.000-07:00

Until recently I've never been a huge fan of those Window-Gel-Things. You know those gel-ie, fun shaped things that stick to windows. Just not my thing.

But tonight while grocery shopping I went ahead and spend the 2 bucks on getting some Halloween ones.

And here's the overly thought out reason why I:

I'm finding it hard to express my holiday cheer. There's no nail on my door to hang something fun from, and I've thought about putting out a Halloween Welcome Mat, but to be honest the thought of spending $15 on something that might be stolen has impeded that purchase more than I'd like to admit.
It occurred to me that these gel-shapes are really just a way to express/decorate in an urban environment. I don't have a house to hang little Halloween lights from, or a lawn to put some inflatable monstrosity on, I'm not even sure what I'll do with my pumpkin once it's carved. But I do have windows. Being a corner studio - it's about the only thing I have "lots" of.
So I joined the masses (as I so often inevitably do) and bought some Halloween gel Bats and Ghosts.
From my window to the the world, in bright orange gel: Boo.

Just when you're thinking things are looking up...

2008-09-26T12:56:00.000-07:00

...this happens:

Walking off the El, two blocks to my apartment. Perfect song comes on the shuffle of my ipod, which never happens. Up the block there is a man who crumbles some trash in his hand and -somewhat aggressively- throws it into the street, although it doesn't get very far. Then he seems to be fumbling with the string on his shorts, but just keeps walking ahead.
Hmmm, ok.Just keep walking, enjoying the song, trying to be uplifted by the sunshine.
Guy walks past me.
I keep walking.
Get to the point where the trash he threw in the street.
Yep, it's a condom.

So that's how condoms get in the middle of the street. Could have gone my whole mylife not knowing that and been fine.

Page Count

2008-09-07T16:13:00.000-07:00

This thought, as I sit here in the "Cyber-Cafe" in the lowest level of my University's Library eating my apples and cheese I brought from home and the undergrad population filters in for dinner:

Hanging around undergrads, just makes me really appreciative that I'm not one of them anymore.

Also, I am in LOVE with Google Book Search.

done with my apples and cheese and this point, and will head back upstairs, mostly likely having lost my prime seating near the window. I'm onto my 3rd page of my first paper for grad school. Minimum of 4 pages, maximum of 8. I guess that's something all students have in common: page/word count.

A True Librarian

2008-09-04T19:22:00.001-07:00

Patron: Did you see the Palin speech last night?
Me: Ahh, no. But I listened to some of it. I thought she did a good job.
Patron: But you didn't see it?
Me: No, I don't own a television.
Patron: Wow, you don't a television?!
Me: Ahh, well...No, not in my new place.
Patron: You are like, a true librarian.

This interaction is hilarious to me on many levels. And rings true because of that. I am officially taking classes in (and becoming increasingly paniced by) Graduate school for Library and Informational Sciences.

In the past week my life has had a lot of changes, some that I don't even think I have really been conscience of, or was simply too overwhelmed to even deal with. In the past weekend alone I drove through three states for a wedding of a close friend, with a close friend, drove back, and then moved into a new apartment.

Plus, you know, that pesky grad school thing. Which I am currently avoiding the reading/homework of as I type. I should go back to that. Needless to say, not really sure when I'll blog, but little things in life like interactions with patrons that humor me - I'll still try to through those up here.

Moms on Monday

2008-08-25T21:05:00.000-07:00

Monday August 25
1.9 miles

every mother whose thrilled their kids are back in school was out wandering around today.

Youth on a Friday

2008-08-23T08:19:00.000-07:00

Friday August 28
1.906 miles

Here are some thoughts while I was running in the early evening Friday night.

"Wow, there are a lot of teenagers out tonight. Oh right, it's the last weekend before school starts."
-in fact, it was the first weekend after school started. So they were all out in that creating-the-new-social-scene-for-the-year way. Basically, they were out in hoards.

"Not totally sure what the deal is here, but it's kinda classic none the less. Obviously teen boys terrorized teen girl in some way, now boys being chased by teen girl back to crowd of teens farther up the street..... I hope they don't interact with me...."

"Another gaggle of teens off in the distance, meandering up the street. No way to really avoid them, just pray for little-to-none interaction as I always do with anyone I ever see while running. Four boys, one girl. Girl is giving me a bit of the evil eye, but please, are you kidding me? And oh, my god, they totally reek of pot. And now why they suddenly appeared from across that vacant parking lot makes a lot more sense. Ah, youth....."

I still didn't go terribly far, of push myself all that hard, but still, I feel like I was feeling a little better after the run. Takes a couple days to set in, and I make no promises to myself (I just break them) but I may be getting back feeling the whole running scene. We'll see.

75 degree morning

2008-08-20T21:45:00.000-07:00

Wednesday August 20, 2008
1.73 miles

another small, not so fantastic run. At this point I'm just trying to get back into it and fit it in my week.

Another Try

2008-08-16T20:56:00.000-07:00

Saturday August 16
1.59 miles

well, that sucked.
But it's to be expected really.
Because that's what happens when I'm completely unmotivated because I'm too busy wallowing in a mid-summer depression to get my ass out there an run.

I wish I could even begin to tap the surface of how "in my own head" I've been lately, but I think it would only worsen the problem. It would just be me circling the drain of my thoughts, and no one, least of all me, really needs that.

But I did go out and run tonight. It was short, it was sucky, but I ran.

Bloody Teeth & Taffeta Gowns

2008-08-08T06:51:00.000-07:00

I am so transparent.

I'm sitting here on my bed still in my pajama's after having this dream:

Three of my best friends and I - Katie, Katy, & Liz, are all dressed up, ball-gown dressed up. I think we're at the Opera, some kind of multi-leveled fancy theatre, trying to find our seats and I can't remember if we're there with guys we know or we just keep running into guys we know in the hallway. (When I say this the pertinent background is that all four of us went to high school together, so if all four of us know you, it's most likely that you went to our high school). So we're in gowns, at this event, and my teeth start falling out. Really, it's one tooth, but it's huge, the whole thing comes out - root and all. And it's just laying there in my hand - I'm having to carry it around, all bloody. And there's this big gapping hole in the side of my mouth, in the bottom row of my side teeth. Katie is trying to help me find someone so we can call in like, a dental emergency, and contact my family. I'm really worried because I know there's other tooth in my mouth, a bottom center one, that feels loose too. Right before my mom comes, it falls out too. So I'm in this gown, with my friends who are trying to find our seats and we're seeing all these people and I'm seeing them with my teeth missing and my friends are asking "Do you know where we can find a dentist for Al?" Somehow my mom shows up and we're in the basement/living room of my house, still in gowns from the event though, with my teeth in my hand, and she's kinda lecturing me about taking care of my teeth while also trying to sympathize with me cuz she's had a lot of dental problems. I know at least that Katie is also in the room, but then I wake up.

In about 3 hours I'll actually be trying on gowns; bridesmaid dresses to be more specific, with Katie, Katy, and Liz.

Past, Future, and The Present

2008-08-06T21:41:00.000-07:00

My past life/lives have been coming up with such frequency.

Talking about how I've lived in Vermont during mud season, about leading canoe trips in Canada, having worked at a high school in Michigan - all between my undergrad graduation and starting grad school. All in my "relatively young life" (quotations provided by co-worker). I keep reminding myself of this as I start on yet another path - it occurred to me that in another 4 years, this part of my life - this year of moving back home, this time of first single apartments, of grad school, of living back in Chicago - this all will be a part of my past, a past life, as well. At this time in my old life I would be in the middle of throwing a canoe over my head to carry across rocky terrain while trying to convince kids they could do the same, or singing at the top of my lungs my new favorite pop song to keep spirits up as the group paddled on; was trying to start a fire in the rain, reminding kids to put sunscreen on or drink water while not doing it myself. Where will I be in my future summers?

As referenced above - I will be moving into my first "apartment". I put the quotations around it because I don't want people getting the idea that I have a several rooms joined by hallways and closets that I will fill with furniture. What I have is ONE room with a tiny kitchen, a closet, and a bathroom that are attached to this one room. A little tiny studio - just for me. And that is just fine. After having lived with house mates in Vermont, various reincarnations of The Female Staff Cabin in Canada, sharing a bathroom with high school girls and then an apartment with a roommate that I tolerated and then a building with high school boys, and most recently back with my parents - I am ready for a space that only I can inhabit.

I do dream of the day when I can host dinner parties and have more than four walls to hang things on, but those days are not here yet. With work, school, and the attempt at a social life that takes place outside of the living room, I do not need a large place this year. This next year is simply about starting. Summer of 2007 was about endings. Winter of 2008 was about piecing myself back together. Fall of 2008 will be about starting. I'll worry about wanting more once I get myself to Summer of 2009.

I move into this new place in September. I realized that the last week of August/first week of September will be made up of a lot of components of my next year: I will have my last day at my 2nd job on Tuesday, will go to my first class (which by the way is Management of Library and Information Centers - and I think it's hysterical that it starts before I even take my Intro to Library and Informational Science class the following week). That whole week I will of course be working my main 30 hour a week library gig, and on Thursday my long time friend will come in from out of town and we will road-trip it for the weekend down to Nashville for a wedding. She flies out at 6 am on Monday morning, which is September 1st - the day I move in. So the week includes: work, school, weddings, and my new living space. That's pretty much what my next year will be about, and at this point, I'm pretty excited about that.

A Fever You Can't Sweat Out

2008-07-28T21:46:00.000-07:00

Well after finally having run my first 5k, I got ill. Had a fever, a head full of snot, and a cough that could have gotten really bad, but with a lot of water and sitting on the couch, I've bounced back. I wouldn't say I feel fully healthy - I'm still stuffy and have odd moments of being more tired than I should. But the worst part - the fever and the feeling ache-y - are over.

So I've been keeping a low profile on running wagon. I went for a 2.5-3 miles walk with my mom yesterday. And today we both went for a shuffle-run-walk along the river. I have no idea how long it was but if I had to gander it was probably 1.5 or something. Tomorrow I have to work all day, and hopefully by Wednesday, and the latest Thursday (my scheduling is weird this week and I don't think I'll be able to run Wed, but will on Thurs) I will be feeling tip-top and back to running.

In other news...I got nothing. I've been feeling a little...of a lot of things. A little lost, a little funky, a little edgy. And a little indescribable. Just can't quite put my finger on what's going on right now. Doesn't really make for the best writing/blogging.

Oh, but I did see The Dark Knight. Just went by myself in the middle of the afternoon on Saturday. Like the rest of the nation, I'm in love with it. A little long, and not a perfect movie, but, love is blind and I love it despite the flaws.

Also, just to reference the title of this blog: It's a phrase that kept going through my mind while I actually had a fever. But also, it was the title of Panic!At the Disco's last album. I don't really know much about that album. But their new album, Pretty.Odd. I'm kinda in love with that too. Again, not something I can pin down. It just seems to fit my mood a lot, or it's really good driving music, something. I don't know I'd recommend it to people, but for some reason I'm in love with it lately.

First 5k

2008-07-21T09:38:00.000-07:00

Monday July 21
2.9 miles
78 degrees, feels like 80

Sunday July 20
5K, or 3.1 miles

Friday July 18
2.4 miles

Ran my first 5k run on Sunday. Got my first running jersey via a run, got my first running number pinned to said shirt. Experienced my first grab of a cup of gatorade from the side lines - the oddest thing was throwing it to the ground, my logic knew that it would be picked up, but it still felt like littering because I just would never throw something on the ground. Tied my first running chip to my shoe lace - my time was 38 minutes & 53 seconds, which means I ran a average of a 12.33 minute mile. My first mile I did in 13 minutes, so my goal after that was to just get in under 39 minutes, which I did, so good for me I guess. I got my first free water, carnation, banana, shampoo, rice, coffee, luna bar, and had I taken advantage of it, a massage; all from the different sponsor booths set up at the finish line.
And I crossed my first finish line.

Now, it's on to finding more races so I keep motivated to do each of those things more.

A side note sensation: we got up at 10 to 6:00 am and were at the race site by at least 6:45 am, right on Lake Michigan. I kept having these bodily sensations of flash backs to being at camp or running a canoe trip. Something about being up at that hour next to to a large body of water, something in the air I guess. It was cool.

I would be more descriptive, but I just dropped my car off at the shop and ran back home, having no idea how far it would be. Turns out it was almost 3 miles, and I am in good need of shower.

Good for Me

2008-07-16T07:40:00.000-07:00

Wednesday July 16
3.0039 miles

Hell yes! I went for my run today, after dropping my car off at the shop so really I had no excuses cuz it's not like I could go anywhere else. And I had an idea of where I was going to go, but not sure how long it would be.

Turns out, it was exactly the distance I need to do! It was slow, and sweaty, and filled with more people than desired, but I did it! yay! And now I can feel much better about doing this 5K on Sunday. (5K is roughly 3.1 miles)

And I'm getting better about seeing people. I just smile and nod and keep running on to the next thing. Plus, on Monday I was running past this woman getting something out of her car in the driveway and as I ran past she said "Good for you" so I said "Thanks!" and she replied "It ain't easy, good for you" again. Reminds me that people may be supportive instead of negatively judgmental. I mean, really, that's what I'm thinking when I see a runner (or biker, or walker or who ever is out doing their exercise thing); I'm thinking "Good for you, You go!"

Spot on

2008-07-15T22:17:00.001-07:00

A little late to be posting this, but:

Monday, July 13
2.19 miles

I run so slowly when I run during the day, but it's also so damn hot out that I sweat a ton, even at a slower pass.

Other things I think about blogging about:

So excited for The Dark Knight to come out this week. Thought the cover article for Entertainment weekly was spot on about it's perception and how it will be received. And just a good article in general.

I heard someone at work today refer to The Rolling Stone magazine as "the USWeekly of Rock & Roll". I feel this is an accurate statement. I stopped reading it so long ago I can't be honest and say that I have a fair take on the content, but I did stop reading it for a reason - because it was bad. Current Cover Article (which sparked the USWeekly comment) is "The Jesus of Uncool - Coldplay." Seriously? Seriously. That's the headline? That Coldplay is the savior of uncool? That's....ridiculous. If any band is the savior of uncool, it's....well, the first band that comes to mind is Weezer, but really, you could argue just about anyone OTHER than Coldplay. And I say this as someone who is entirely addicted to the new album, Viva La Vida. Uncool is not Coldplay. They are, and have been for, ummm some time now Rollingstone, the kings of popularity, the kings of cool.

This, is also spot on.

There are lots of other non-pop-culture or running things going on in my world, and the world at large, but it's getting late, and I have to get up at the crack of dawn to take my car into the shop and then go for another run.

Sunday Outside

2008-07-13T11:19:00.000-07:00

Sunday July 13
2.15 miles

Was a very low energy run till the end when I finally got my stride. I would write more, but with the wind-swept 3 miles walk my mom and I did this morning, and the run I just had during what has to be one of the hottest parts of the day (what was I thinking?) I am in desperate need of a shower.

5K

2008-07-09T21:43:00.000-07:00

Wednesday July 9
1.6299 miles

signed up for a 5K to keep myself motivated after having lost all motivation. Needed something. Started out small to get back on track.

Things I Would Blog About, But Haven't...

2008-07-02T21:16:00.001-07:00

*My serious lack of running
- feeling motivated again last night talking about the half marathon, but I still haven't gone. How badly do I really want it?

*this book. I haven't read it or anything, but it's out there: A t.v. character authors a spin off book - like a Hannah Montana book for adults.

*a summer in the city
- acute recollections of wilderness

*it's been a year. Not sure of the exact date, but sometime in June it had been a year since Scott and I broke up. Not really sure what else to say, but did want to throw the acknowledgment out there.

*Speaking of the rapid passage of time - grad school is approaching.

*Listening to Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows - because summertime reading just isn't the same without Harry Potter, and because Jim Dale is a genius. Honest to god one of the best readers out there.

Mostly I've been way over booked and it's dawning on me that I'm only going to become more so, which kinda scares the shit out of me. But at the same time, what choice is there? And I've always operated under this idea that "you gotta do what you gotta do" (feeling obligated, for better or worse & to whomever/whatever, is a big motivator for me) and that's what I'm doing. But I was able to squeeze in a surprise birthday dinner for a friend, and there's a upcoming wedding in Nashville with old friends that has real potential for damn good times; these things remind me that doing what needs to be done is worth it for the moments in between.

About as creative as it's title

2008-06-23T21:20:00.000-07:00

Obviously, I have fallen off the running wagon. I won't bore you with why and whatnot, and to be perfectly honest, I'm not totally sure what I'd say.
However, I have been trying to be active in other ways. This morning, my mom and I went for 3 mile walk, and we did it less than an hour. Yipeee.

I watched "High School Musical" yesterday. Yes, it was voluntarily; I wanted to see what all the hype was about. Is this Zac Efron character really such a hottie to make into trashy mags? So, yes, I watched it. I watched it so that you don't have to. Because you don't want to. High School Musical is about as creative as it's title; it's basically a sugar coated Disney version of "Grease" - on crack. I mean, the main cool guy (aka - Zac Efron, whom I still don't see what the big deal is about either) and the geeky girl (who they don't even try to make "geeky" with some fake glasses or something. Honest to god, they put a book in her hands in her first scene and from then on she's super stylish beauty who does math) they don't even kiss. The whole movie. Not once. They kiss on the cheek and they sing. Maybe they kissed in the final dance scene and I missed it cuz I was so bored with it at that point, but I'm pretty sure it's just that one kiss on the cheek. I'd say I'm still interested in "High School Musical 2" just to wonder if where it could possibly go from here.

Near 90 at Midnight

2008-06-07T22:07:00.000-07:00

Saturday June 7, 2008
2.4 miles
weather: 83 degrees, feels like 88

Let me tell you, when weather.com says "feels like 88" they are not kidding. I put off my run last night for several reasons, but the lamest of them being that I was hoping it would cool off by tonight. No such luck. You think with the sun having been down for several hours that the heat might have gone with it. But nope, it was 11 pm and still near the 90s. Just made the cold shower at the end of a humid run all the more rewarding I guess.

Twilight & Choke

2008-06-05T21:02:00.000-07:00

Scene: The Youth Services Desk, Susan and I huddled around the computer watching the new "Twilight" movie trailer.

Me: I think they've made Edward look a lot more, I dunno, kinda bookish or nerdy looking than I remember him in the book
Susan: Yea, he's kinda got that IT department hipster guy look
Me: That's just what I need - a nerdy IT department hipster guy. Whose also a vampire.

Truth be told, after having read two of the three books in the series, I'm not really a huge Edward Cullen fan. When the conversation between Susan and I actually turned to the movie, I asked her what someone would wear to a midnight showing of Twilight? I mean, the whole point - of so many vampire books really - is that "they walk among us" and all, they blend in. Whatda ya gonna do, paint you're face pale and go to the show? But this is just a side track from my original point, that I said to Susan, which was that if I went to the midnight showing it would be in a t-shirt that said "Bella can keep Edward, I'll take Jacob." Essentially - what girl needs a vampire and eternal life when she could have passion and a werewolf?
God, ya gotta love the Young Adult Fantasty genre for even putting that sentence into my blog in the first place....

Oh, also, speaking of trailers: the new one for "Choke" came out. I'm thinking I'm gonna have to read the book before the movie comes out, because everyone I know whose read the book has said "My god, how are they even going to be able to make that kind of perversion into a movie. I mean, it was a good book, but can you even make that into a movie and not, ya know, not offend the world?" - or something to that effect. But to be honest, I'm a little scared of Chuck Palahnuik, the guy who wrote it. Mostly because everyone that has ever read him says he's got one sick mind; brilliant, but twisted. And we all know I can be more than a little squeamish. Still, I loved Fight Club, I love Sam Rockwell & Angelica Houston (who star in the movie), the trailer looks great, and I keep thinking I'll be a better reader if I just bit the bullet and read some Palahnuik. If anyone's got a better one to start with than "Choke" let me know.

Inertia

2008-06-04T22:17:00.001-07:00

I swear to god, I can't even really tell you how or why I just ran. I had an absurdly long and odd day, and will tomorrow too (well, at leas the long part will happen tomorrow) and by all accounts I should have just gone straight home, stuffed myself silly with bad-for-me food on the way, and gone straight to bed.
But instead, I went to Jewel, got some vegetables to eat with hummus with tomorrow - then to meijer for sushi because I wasn't gonna deny that I did want to eat something.
From there, to home, to in my running clothes and on to a run.
I honest to god think it was just inertia pulling me a long. I had the kind of day where I got some things done, but it took me the most round about way to get them accomplished, and had it been straight-forward I probably would have actually gotten all the I needed to accomplished. However, that was not the case and it was a very bizzare day. But whatever, intertia kept me moving. And hopefully it'll get me through to the end of the week too. Which I cannot wait for. But for now -

Wednesday June 4
2.4 miles
& got to watch light show thunder storm to the south and west throughout run

insert something clever and funny here

2008-06-02T22:52:00.000-07:00

I was very cranky this evening. I've become such a workaholic that I don't know what to do with free time, and in the blanket of possibilities that lay before me in unscheduled hours I crack under the pressure of choice. And that makes me cranky.
I did finish a hat I was making though, although the decrease at the top was really difficult and added to my crankyness. But it's done, looks amazing and is the hardest pattern I've ever made. Now I can move on to making one for the person's spouse that this hat is for.
Besides finishing a hat, I also went for a run. A very late night run (the hat took way longer than antcipated) but I went.
And it was awesome. Such a fantastic run. Was great to have the roads to myself too - I saw one lady walking her dog, and more cops cruising around than I could keep track of.
I may regret this tomorrow morning, as this week's schedule may prove to be an especially sleep-depriving one, but if I get to bed in the next two minutes, I can still get a semi-reasonable amount of sleep. So, ciao!

Monday, June 2, 2008
2.4 miles

Summer & Sex in the City

2008-06-01T20:50:00.000-07:00

I dunno if it was simply having spent the afternoon seeing the Sex in the City movie with my mom, or if it was actually having eaten good-for-me food all day - but I was in a such a good mood that I wasn't completely dreading my run. I wasn't stoked, but I didn't have to totally kick my own ass to go. And, I think I ran at a pretty good speed for most of it too - although I still won't tell you how long it does take me to run two & half miles, because I'm pretty sure by running standards that it's a long time. But whatever, it was a really good run. Not too hot, not too cold, one that I could pat myself on the back for.

Sunday June 1, 2008
2.4 miles

I won't spoil anything for those of you who haven't seen the movie, but I did think it was pretty fantastic. I laughed, I cried, I wanted to wear heels; everything I love about SITC and the charcters in it. And that's all I'll say till the movie's been out a little longer.

Not much else is new, just getting into the swing of summer. Working hard, feeling pretty grateful about my paychecks. I was paying bills today, and reminding myself to hold on to this feeling as long as possible. Because it was only months ago that I would get one bill paid and just hope I figured something out until the next one came up. So to be able to not put bills on my credit card or borrow from my parents feels pretty amazing, and I feel really greatful every time I am able to even write a check.
Im also just loving that I am able to work during the week and then gett into the city at least once a weekend to hang out with different people. One weekend out with the girls and their family, the next getting fortunes told & drinks at the top of the skyscapers, this weekend it was a dinner party with the next generation of librarians. I am begining to love my very own SITC story: Summer in the City.

Last Night vs. The Present

2008-05-29T21:33:00.000-07:00

I did go for another run last night, and it was pretty sucky. I had eaten crappy food on my way home from work, but still made it home by 10 and so went for a run anyways. I also cheated cuz a friend called in the middle of it and I totally walked and talked to her in the middle. But really, I was praying she would call to keep me from running, as I felt like shit. To my credit though I did start running again once I got off the phone; cuz don't think it hadn't crossed my mind to just walk the rest of it.
But at the end of it, I was glad I went. I had gotten home after work and still gone running, which is all I really needed to prove to myself.
And I was all hopefully that I could keep it up.
But then I was stressing myself out today; just keeping my anxiety right there on the periphery of my psyche. I knew I should not be freaking out, and yet I couldn't just push it out of my mind. (Just lame work stuff, nothing I even have to make a decision about now, nothing worth expounding about further). So instead of running, I just totally ate a bunch of crap I didn't need to. Grrrrrr....
I was so hopefull and full of can do attitude last night too, and yet again I become my own worst enemy (instead of enemy there I had aciendentally typed "memory" - wonder what THAT Freudian slip is about!). Getting in my own way, forgetting that "full of hope" attitude. The funny thing about the end of my run yesterday is that I remember thinking to myself "my mind really does feel clearer, I really can just let it wander and yet focus at the same time when I run. THIS is why I need to do this more often."
And yet, the next day, it's all forgotten.

Sundays

2008-05-27T21:23:00.000-07:00

Obviously, I haven't posted - or run - in awhile. Things felt a little crazy with the new job and all. Getting used to that new schedule, I put running on the back-burner for awhile. Probably not the wisest choice; as running could probably help with the stress and my both mental and physical health. But you know, it always seems like the easiest, if not the best, thing to cut when I get busy.

I have adjusted to the new schedule, but I've keep falling into these little ruts of pity and whining. Probably another side effect of being tired/new schedule/stress - but I just haven't felt like I could get my emotional bearings lately. (Running would probably help with that too, but alas...)

But I did go on Sunday. It had been two Sunday's in a row I hadn't gone, and I almost always, always go on Sunday nights. Even if I come up with some lame excuse the rest of the week, I almost always go on Sundays. And I knew if I didn't go again and it became three weeks in a row I hadn't gone, I'd be in real trouble.

So, Sunday May 25
2.4 miles

It was the first mildly warm weather (which has since come and gone - welcome to Chicago where it's shorts on Memorial Day and fleece the next) of the season, and my run reflected that. I also noticed that with the warm weather, if I continue to run, I really need to invest in some kinda ofwhistle or pepper spray or something. There's just more people out in general, and they are out later. And all the leaves are back on the trees so it's just less bare, whichnormally I like, but on a run it just makes it harder to see what is, or is not lurking about. None-the-less, I day dream about running more and starting to do yoga again. Wither or not I'll actually make the time to do, or enjoy those things, has yet to be seen.

Svefn-G-Englar

2008-05-13T21:38:00.000-07:00

I just heard a piece of music for the second time in the matter of hours. "Svefn-G-Englar" by Sigur Ros. It's such a beautiful piece of music, I'm not surprised it's used to beautify other forms of entertainment. But these two places it was used couldn't be more far apart; This American Life's episode on themortgage crisis (such a fantastic episode, really breaks it all down into understandable and humorous terms) and then an episode of CSI from the first season that I got from the library last week.

Well, encase you were worried, I have fully found my inner workaholic. I worked last
night till 9, home a little after 10, trying to fall asleep by 12. Alarm at 7 am, up at 7:30 am, work both jobs, done again at 9 pm, went to pick up my brother from his work and am home again by 11 pm. And if I get to sleep in the next ten minutes, asleep by midnight. I'm recalling my college years with increasing frequency. My biggest complaint is that I dreamt about work stuff last night - my few couple hours reprieve from it! Hopefully tonight isn't a repeat, and I'm really looking forward to these next hours of sleep. night.

This American Life on Mother's Day.

2008-05-11T20:03:00.000-07:00

Well, This American Life did it again. Went ahead and made me take in the moment, re-connect to the human experience, cry a little. Well, This American Life and Johnny Depp.

I've never seen the show, but tonight my brother came by for a little Mother's Day celebration and over the course of conversation mentioned he's watching shows on yahooTV. So I went to the site, and the This American Life segement caught my eye. I thought I'd just see the first couple minutes and then maybe come back to it later. I should have known better. I was glued to my seat for the next half hour.

You can get sucked in and love it too, here.

And thanks Mom, for coming in and letting me share it with you, and watching with it me, again. Thanks for being the most supportive and loving mother you could possibly be. For pushing me out into the world, and letting me come back home after. The pizza stone, the card, the dinner and pie - all are just symbols of my love and appreciation. The things I charish most about being your daughter are those that immeasurable. Happy Mother's Day.

2008-05-07T11:16:00.000-07:00

Wednesday May 7, 2008
1.98 miles

The run was humid, sweaty, and hard. I remembered why I hate running during the day. Hate it. And I did cut out the giant block around the high school. I'm on a time crunch, and like I said - it was humid, sweaty and not so fun. Still, I went, and doing that this week is good enough for me.

California Here We Come

2008-05-05T21:00:00.000-07:00

At this exact moment it is 11:00 pm. I told myself if I went to bed now, I could still get 8 hours of sleep. And I'm telling myself that once I write this I will in fact turn my self in. Really.

But I had this moment today. Getting in my car at exactly 3:33 pm, needing to start my second job at 4, with google maps saying it takes 24 minutes to make this commute. I still have the podcast of This American Life on from my morning commute, mid cast. I keep it on and listen Ira Glass talk about what he's learned from television. Not even from his own show, but about this Fox Teen reality show. I could try to describe it, but I could never do it justice. You have to listen for yourself. It was Act 3. (But listen to the whole thing. Dadid Rakoff and Dan Savage are hilarious).

And you can have you're own moment with it. But for me, it was listening to it while I hummed along literally and figuratively on the highway from job to job, feeling like this day really is the first day of the rest of my life,or at least the next two eyar of it, and yet this little piece of radio putting me in the moment, in my car, in my life.

Come on out. Oh, the weather outside is weather...

2008-05-04T20:34:00.000-07:00

Sunday May 4, 2008
2.4 miles

I took a week off from running- I wasn't feeling well and just decided to. The only thing with taking time off, is that you gotta eventually go back on. I tried to resist it, but I had told myself that I had to get back on the wagon tonight.
And if there ever was a week to start up again, this might not be the best. I worked at my 2nd job this weekend, and it's my first week at my new job. That means I'm on every day from Saturday to Friday, working both jobs on Monday, Tuesday, and Friday. Everyone keeps giving me this - oh that's gonna suck, aren't you gonna hate that - kinda look. But the thing is, since I've been unemployed/marginally-unemployed for 6 months, i'm so excited to be working and making money again that well, I just don't mind at all. I'm infact looking forward to it. Yes it's going to be an adjustment to doing nothing to doing a lot, but in the past I'm usually at my best when I have a lot of structure in my life. My only fear is that I've lost my work-aholic ways, but I have the feeling I'll find them again.
Anyways, maybe not the best time to add running back in, but I'm thinking if I can do it this week, I can do it any time. Always optimistic, we'll see tomorrow after my first 12 hour day (14 with commute) how it all goes.

Also, a little more of a Forgetting Sarah Marshall review: I was a little hesitant, because Judd Apatow had produced it, but that isn't a given that'll be funny. And it's Jason Segel's first writting credit (to the best of my knowledge) and it doesn't have most of the Aptow crew. No Seth Rogen (my fav) or Jay Barcuchel, and Jonah Hill and Paul Rudd are in it, but limitedly. In fact, one of my complaints would be that they, along with Bill Hader, weren't used to their full hilarious potential. Although new Brit I'd never heard of Russell Brand was in it a lot and very funny. I'm not sure the movie was worth $9, but overall I have fond memories and liked it.
I liked that the pace went quickly in the begining. And there's a scene in there where they show Jason Segel's penis - more than once. I know this was for comedic affect; as he is totally nude and the girl is fully clothed. But while this was happening, and I was laughing, I was also thinking "I wonder if everyone would be laughing if some girl's crotch was being showed? Or her boobs?" Women's bodies are shown naked in films all the time, but when men's bodies are shown naked it's shocking. So, even though I know it was for comedy, I appreciate Jason Segel for leveling the playing field a little, and showing some skin, a lotta skin.

Another Friday Night Title

2008-05-02T21:58:00.000-07:00

Tonight I did one of the most fearful things a single person can do on a summer Friday night; I went to the movies alone. Going to the movies alone can be weird enough, but going on a Friday night when the weather is warm and big budget super-hero movie is coming out, well, it's down right intimidating.
I didn't think much of it, well ok, that's a lie. I knew it might be scary, but I didn't realize how much so until I pulled into the parking lot and saw all the cars. Rows and rows of cars.
Then, it was the crowd. The first wave being all the teenagers play-fighting/flirting outside the theatre while they wait for their parent's to pick them up. The second wave being all the teenagers on their phones and college students holding hands in a line waiting for Iron Man and popcorn. I survived the waves of studded wrist bands and pants with unused belts. I kept mum, paid for my ticket to the movie rom-com I was hoping Iron Man would be a good diversion from, found the theatre and headed to the back row. The theatre was a little more crowded than I expected or would have liked, but I would not let the masses win.
I sat in the back row, my feet up on the chair in front of me, and while I admit I hesitated for a moment, I regained my composure and took out my knitting as the previews started ( I do admit to timing it so I got into the theatre exactly 3 minutes before the film stated).
Had a great time by the way, I thought Forgetting Sarah Marshall was pretty good. It confirmed that everything Judd Apatow touches is hilarious, even if he's just producing. I wanted to see Iron Man or Baby Mama too, but I this was the movie I wasn't sure anyone else would go see with me, and it came out last weekend, so I was banking on a lesser crowd.
Only draw back was this: I realized while the previews were running why the sound is loud at the movies - it's to drown out the kids talking. As I had this thought, the next one was "When did this happen? When did I become an adult who wants to shhhhh kids." Ok, I'm not really going to shhhh anyone, I just secretly hope someone else will.
So, I am an shhhh-wishing adult who goes to movies and sits in the back and knits. And it's fun, and while it's not fighting on the front-lines of anything, I'm pretty proud of myself.

Scenes That Caught My Fancy This Week:

2008-04-30T21:48:00.001-07:00

1.) The West Wing 6th Season, 2162 Votes:
"I had hoped to be standing here tonight under very different circumstances and I have been asked, by people I respect, to take the opportunity to support one of the other fine candidates who have made this race with me -- To help decide who our nominee will be, but I can't do that. I can't do that because it is not my place to decide who our nominee will be. That decision is yours and yours alone. You know, there's been a great deal made today of Governor Baker's decision not to disclose his wife's minor medical decision. Many people believe that he should have, but I don't believe Governor Baker failed to disclose it because he was ashamed or embarrassed. I think he didn't disclose it because we're the hypocrites, not the Bakers. Because we're all broken --- every single one of us --- and yet we pretend that we're not. We all live lives of imperfection and yet we cling to the fantasy that there's a perfect life and that our leaders should embody it, but if we expect our leaders to live on some higher moral plane than the rest of us, well, we're just asking to be deceived. Now, it's been suggested to me this week that I should try to try to buy your support with jobs and the promise of access' it has been suggested to me that party unity is more important than your democratic rights as delegates. That's right, it's not and you have a decision to make. Don't vote for us because you think we're perfect. Don't vote for us because of what we might be able to do for you only. Vote for the person who shares your ideals, your hopes, your dreams. Vote for the person who most embodies what you believe we need to keep our nation strong and free. And when you have done that you can go back to New York, to Chicago, to Omaha, and to Miami and San Fransisco, to Seattle, to Austin with your head held high and say, 'I am a member of the Democratic Party.'"

2.) Sling and Arrows, Season 2, "Birman Wood"
On Stage -
Romeo: I have night's cloak to hide me from their sight;
And but thou love me, let them find me here:
My life were better ended by their hate,
Than death prolonged, wanting of thy love.
Offstage -
Ellen : I hate this play
Jeffery: Yeah.
Ellen: When you watch it you feel miserable, because you don't have that kind of passion in your life.
No body does.
It's a fantasy.
It's irresponsible.
Jeffery: Yeah.
On Stage:
Romeo: I am no pilot; yet, wert thou as far
As that vast shore wash'd with the farthest sea,
I would adventure for such merchandise.
Off Stage -
Jeffery: Yeah. You know what I think.
It's painfully accurate.
Two idiots meet.
They fall in love.
They're happy.
Briefly.
And then all hell breaks lose.
Happens all the time.
On Stage -
Romeo: What shall I swear by?

3.) 30 Rock, Season 2, "Cougars"
Liz: Hi, Order for Pick Up. Yes, I'd like a meatball sub with extra bread and my name is -
Phone Guy: Liz.
Liz: Yea! That's me.
Jack: Big night Lemon? Let me guess: meatball sub with extra bread, bottle of nyquil, Tivo Top Chef, a little Miss Bonnie Rait and lights out.
Liz: No, I have something to do tonight Jack.
Jack: Then you won't mind when I tell you Casey gets voted off tonight.
Liz: YOU MONSTER! Why are you like this!

The Game of Life

2008-04-27T22:03:00.001-07:00

On Friday my good friend Katy and I went to a bar in Chicago that, along with serving beer and pizza, also has board games for it's patrons to partake in. Katy is one of my oldest friends and one of the things we used to do over ten years ago when we first became friends was play the board game "Life". Riding bikes through subdivisions, ice cream sundaes, and Life was a summer in middle school. So we played it again this Friday, having actually lived some of life at this point.

Besides getting "Life Tiles" that said I became President and won a Nobel Prize, as well as discovering a Planet and saving an endangered species, I found this one thing in the game really fascinating:
You had to get married.
The game starts with either begining your career or going to college first. (I choose college and got "You loaned your car to a friend and they crashed it. You owe $5,000). Then those two pathes converge, you get a payday, and then:
Stop. Get Married, Add another person to your car.
It doesn't say if you have to get married to a man or woman, but you do have to get married.

I was explaining this to a friend today, and realized that, while we may over come the discrimination we have against homosexuality (and I'm not saying that we don't have a long way to go in that field, cuz we do) the Game of Life mandates that you have to get married - it doesn't matter to whom, but if you don't you can't move forward. I can marry a girl, but we have yet to get over the stigma that I need to get married at all.

2008-04-22T08:40:00.001-07:00

Sunday April 20, 2008
2.4 miles

Monday April 21, 2008
2.4 miles

Both were extremely late at night, but really really good runs.

Friday night fears

2008-04-18T22:05:00.000-07:00

Friday, April 18, 2008
2.4 miles

It took me till the final hour of the day, but I did run, as I'd promised myself I would on Monday when I last ran. I know myself well enough to know that I wasn't going to run Tues, Wed, Thurs when I would get home. So I gotta make it up tonight & tomorrow . One night down, one to go.

It was misty and warm out tonight, it was perfect. But I really do need to invest in some pepper spary or something. I was startled by a rabbit, tiwce actually - once in the begining and once at the end - but rabbits don't really warrent self-defence. The other things that startled me did though. After I rounded the high school I was distracted by watching midnight janitor in the hallway in side the school, when I looked up to begin turning away from the school I looked up to see a middle-aged man just staning on the corner across the street from the high school. No dog on a leash, no cell phone in hand, just standing there. Very creepy.
I also had another lone guy smoking cross my path near the factory I run past after the high school.
Just towards the end a ran around a car blocking a parking lot and then saw a huge group of people smoking outside the local bar. I automatically crossed the street, not really out of safetly, but more out of fear of seeing people my age at a bar will I look all sweaty in stretchy workout clothes. Worst nightmare (besides the lone creepy guy on the corner) and I'd forgotten it was Friday night.

Late night Meme

2008-04-15T22:55:00.000-07:00

Well, I didn't run today. Infact, I did the opposite. I totally over ate. I think it was the shopping. Since I've been unemployed/broke I haven't been in store with the thought of actually purchasing something in forevera. But tomorrow (or rather today now that it's 1 am) I've got an interview that could help end this broke-ness so I splurged on a professional type dress. Anyhoo, long story and I tried on dresses at the Gap. All on sale, don't worry. It was aweful. All the dresses made me look like just a giant blob of fabric. I felt the opposite of stylish, and remembered why I wear skirts, if ever. And here's my query that I was be-moaning to my friend the other day:
Why is it, that when I feel the worst about my body I don't think "Hey, I'll go for a run?" and instead I think "Hey, where are the oreos?" Why is exercising the last thing I wanna do when my self-esteem is in the garbage disposal?

Anyways, it's 1 in the morning now, and while I totally should sleep because last night was an un-successful night of sleep, I'm not going to. A co-worker put a meme on facebook to day and so I'm gonna do that instead. Just to entertain me till my eye lids close. It looks long enough that it very well could accomplish that. I'm deleting some stuff in the "Personal" section though, as I don't wanna put information, that's well, personal, on the internet.

* PERSONAL*
Age: 26
Astrological sign: Aquarius
Siblings: one younger brother
Pets: none that are mine personally, but maybe someday a dog
Nicknames: Al, Ali Baby, Al-Babe
School: both in western suburbs of Chicago

* FAVORITE..?*
Colour:blue, but my warddorb would lead you to think black
Food: cheese
Beverage: root beer
Class: Philosophy of Law with Cavannegh & Fisher. Best. Class. Ever. Even at 8 am.
Teacher: Gleijer over all, but also Fisher for getting me to take that Philisophy of Law class and getting me through my philisophy minor. And Jackson for being crazy.
Number: 25
Flower: I don't really have one. Most all flowers are fine with me
Book: I'll go with The Power Of One, but I'm pretty in love with Harry Potter series, and favorite of the moment is King Dork.
Movie: So hard to choose! High Fidelity, Almost Famous, The Departed, Knocked Up, the list goes on.
Actor/Actress: of the moment: Micheal Cera. Kate Winslet
Fast Food Restaurant: unfortunately any of them, although I'm on a boycott at the moment
Store: Gap
Board Game: Apples 2 Apples
CD: I've been in a Justin Timberlack, Dispatch, Wilco, Ryan Adams kinda mood lately.
Musical Instrument(s): I love the drums in Rock Band
Cologne/Perfume: I wear something from the Gap
Computer Game: Solitare
Thing to do on the Weekend: magazines at Borders, movies, knitting. Go to a party.
Word/Phrase: Jeez oh Petes
Holiday: Thanksgiving

* LEAST FAVORITE..?*
color: yellow
Food: asparagus
Beverage: Tequila
Class: any math class
Teacher: Kirby
Movie: I hated There's Something About Mary. I know I know, everyone else on the planet loved it. Not this girl.
Restaurant: I'm not huge on Japanese food.
Word/Phrase: pussy
Day: thursdays

* HAVE YOU EVER..?*
Been In Love: yes
Used Tobacco (smoke or chew): no
Thought you were going to die: no
Run away from home: no
Broken a bone: no
Lied: yes
Skinny Dipped: yes
Had a Medical Emergency: yes, although I personally was not in distress

* DO YOU BELIEVE IN..?*
Love at first sight: not sure, but I'm doubtful
Luck: sure
God: yes
Aliens: doubtful, but I dunno.
Ghosts: I'm on the fence about this one all the time. I think no, but I then again, I think it's possible
Horoscopes: no, but I read mine almost every day.
Heaven: I'm not even going to pretend to know the answer to that
Hell: same as above
Yourself: sometimes
Angels: no idea, but I'm doubtful

* WHICH IS BETTER..?*
Coke or Pepsi: I used to be a Pepsi girl, but I've become a trader. Coke.
Oranges or apples: oranges
One pillow or two: one
Pools or hot tubs: pools
Windows or AC: depends
TV or radio: in the car radio for sure, and if I can get it on dvd, I'm all about tv
Paper or plastic: paper

* WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU..?*
Cried: wednesday
Went to a movie: two weeks ago
Talked on the phone: today
Read a book: lunch time today
Your most prized and important possession: i'm a pack rat, I think everything is a prized and important possession
Your biggest accomplishment: graduating college, my journey through the Canadian Wildreness
Your biggest fear: being unable to act, to not be able to anything in the moment
Your greatest talent: patience

* WHAT DO YOU THINK OF..?*
Abortion: pro-choice
Pre-Marital Sex: As long as it's safe, I don't care what you personally decide to do or whom you do it with
Death Penalty: I'm not really sure, but if I lean one way, it's against

* WHO..?*

Makes You Laugh the Most: Liz
Is the Most Psychotic Person You Know: I'm going with the answer that was here when I copied it: If there even was such a person I would never name them here
Is the Nicest Person You Know: Greer
Do you go to for advice: all of them: my friends, my mom, my mom's friends.
Do you hate: President Bush
Knows the most about you: all of them: my friends, my mom, my mom's friends.
Has it easier, guys or girls: not sure
Sends you the most emails: Katie

* What makes you ...?*
happy: reading, movies, magazines, crossword puzzles, new yarn, friends, good music, kayaking.
Really Sad: lonliness
Really Angry: people who just want to argue and can't see the other side of the arguement.

* WHAT ABOUT..?*
School: what about it? Glad I went. But I'm not one of those "I love to learn" people. Well, I am, but only with some classes. Mostly, I go for the degree.
Your friends: their great.
Being female: wow, this meme takes a lotta assumptions huh? But it's right, I am female, and I think it's got it's perks.
Life: yep.
What is something about you that nobody knows:
Oh, I tell just about everyone everything about me or my life.

* ARE YOU ...*
A Rebel Or Do You Follow All The Rules: I typically follow rules when they are there
A Leader Or A Follower: Mostly I'm a leader, but I can shut up and follow when needed.
A Good Friend: I'd like to think so.
A Good Listener: I think so, but I'm sure I could improve.
Shy Or Outgoing: Outgoing, even when I don't think I am.

* ABOUT THE FUTURE ... ...*
Where Do You See Yourself In Ten Years: PHAGH! like I have any idea!
Do You Like To Dream Ahead Or Go With The Flow: Both.

Monday Is My Saturday

2008-04-14T21:26:00.000-07:00

If I had a band, that would be one of my song titles. I just like the sound of it. I had to work this Saturday, and today I did today all the things I would have done on Saturday if I hadn't. I wrote a ton of correspondence, I mailed said correspondence, I went to the bank, I got movies and got to knit and watch them.

And I went for a run. Didn't go till about 10 minutes to 10, but I went. And I was back home, showered and in my jammies by 11. I should consider going late more often.

Monday, April 14, 2008
2.4 miles

Librarypalooza

2008-04-13T19:31:00.000-07:00

Sunday April 12, 2008
2.4 miles

- more of a shuffle than a run, but a perfect moon-lite night.

Today is the begining of National Library Week, and to celebrate we had a big 'ol party at the library; complete with ballons, cookies, music, raffle prizes, and face painting.

Face painting you said? Yep, that was my department. And I have to say, I can do a damn fine butterfly or rocket-ship. I let Susan handle the skull-and-cross bones and dinosaurs, she was good at those. Anyways, I have these photos I took and I'm not sure where else to put them but I wanted to post them somewhere cuz I just think they are too much fun not to. So, here it is:

a "tattoo" i gave myself. Come on, admit, it's awesome.

Susan gave me a Monster on my hand, and I thought it was spectacular

It may be a litle lame to admit this, but I am really pretty proud of my bulletin board. April is Jazz Appreciation Month, and Poetry Month - the musical notes have poems by Maya Angelou and William Shakespeare, both born in April. As well as musical notes for Ella Fitzgerald and Billie Holiday, also both born in April.

buttons on the latest hat I made

my latest hat. A little random to add here, but I think you'll admit that all the pics here are pretty random.

Spring Cleaning

2008-04-11T22:26:00.000-07:00

Soooooo, obviously haven't done the whole "I'll just do it a lot" Nike-esc running thing. I dunno what's going on with me lately, but I just have not been feeling it. I know I just need to go again. If I go. I'll remember why it is that I do it. The more time that lapses between runs, the farther away the beneifts seem to be.

Beyond the lack of running, and blogging, things have been busy. I've gone on some nanny interviews, and remembered that I'm willing to stick it out for a good gig that makes sense. I may feel like I don't have options, like my choices are limited, but that is not the actual case.

One of my bestest friends in the world came to stay for a couple of days this past week and it was a fantastically benign visit. That visit, plus numerous hang-outs with Chicago-based friends, made for a very social week, which was surprisingly hard to handle. I finally had to face that I've become very detached since moving back home, and being social and detached doesn't often work well together for me.

I noticed that I felt like my life was becoming kinda cluttered; like there were little piles just accumulating in my life. So I spent all day today doing some serious spring cleaning. Put together two+ bags of stuff for the Goodwill, as well as getting some general dusting accomplished, and got ride of the all those peesky piles. Feels good, feels fresh.
In this spring cleaning I came across a box of photos. They are all my favorite photos from over the years; the photos I take with me whenever I move somewhere. I haven't put them up since I came home, which I can't really explain why that is. I live in one room basically and I have a lot of things up already and finding the right space or time to put them up is the best excuse I can come up with.
Until today when I went through them again. I pulled out all the photos of the scenery/non-people pics I have and put them. Moving back home, broke, single, applying to schools - I've felt like I'm the youngest 26 year old alive; feeling more like I'm 18. I feel like I'm starting all over again, starting from scratch. But without a lot of the familarity that one would think could come with age. I've left the community of NWL, the camp I went to/worked for for 10 years. I broke up with my boyfriend. I've still got my great group of friends, that I also had when I was 18. Everything in my life is still the same as it was the last time I was here only wihtout some things. Finding these pictures of churches in Scotland, the first time I saw the ocean in Mexico, the reeds, mountains and lakes in Canada, the zoo in Chicago, the beaches of Michigan, Mountains in Vermont, Big Ben in London, the seaside in California, sunsets and portages. Having these things up, reminds me that I have been places. and in all likely hood, I'll add more pictures of more places some day.

Rainy Day Run vs. Sunny Day Run

2008-04-02T23:18:00.000-07:00

I kinda can't believe it, but I've kept it up. I ran on Monday against all odds. I put on my running clothes, got my ipod set, was ready to go and looked out the window. It was a down-pour. I tried to wait it out and made cupcakes in the mean-time, a little counter productive to the running, but the majority of them later went to co-workers who really appreciated them. The day progressed and I thought I had an opening in the weather to go for a run, but I only made it about 3/4 of the loop before I called my mom, who was already in the car, to come pick me up. It had started to rain again and I needed to leave early for my commute because of that.
Still, I went, and that is what was important.
I went again today and I wish I could have swapped today's weather for Mondays. Monday was really warm, depsite the rain. Today was a perfect cool spring day. A cold breeze without a cloud in the sky, the sun was out. I hate these days for running. My ideal is a rainy night, I like the moisture in the air, along with the cover of darkness. I realize that what I like about running at nights or on rainy days is that I feel less, obvious. Running in the broad day light in the middle of the afternoon, like I did today, is my least favorite thing to do, especially past the high school.
But I did it, cuz I knew it was the only time today I could go. So:

Wednesday April 2, 2008
2.4 miles

Starting again

2008-03-30T13:47:00.001-07:00

The internet is down at my house right now (&%*^!) and right now I'm at the library, which is closing in T minus 13 minutes, so I gotta make this quick. But, I finally ran yesterday, and I wanted to write it down:

March 29, 2008
2.4 miles

It was a good run and I came to the conclusion that I need to just do this loop - I call it the high school loop, cuz I just run to the high school, around the giant block it sits on, and then loop back to my house. Because, since I've moved home I do that as a warm up and then the rest of the week try to push it a little farther (that's when I go the rest of the week). I am always feeling like if I go less then 3 miles it - like it's inconsequential or something. I know that's probably not true, but I dunno, all the running mags always talk about 3 miles as just a warm up. Anyways, I decided (again) that consistency is what's important. When I started running a year ago, I decided I didn't care about my time, that going should be enough. I focused on distance. But now that I know I can do it, that I can run at all in the first place, I think I just need to focus on that - doing it.

Dangerous Ground

2008-03-28T20:26:00.000-07:00

This could be dangerous to blog about, but the thought occured to me more than once today, so I'm just going to write it down: Having a crush just makes life more fun. Seriously. It adds just a little touch of fun to one's day.
Like I said, it could get dangerious if I go further. At this point the crush is inconsequential and if I even showed up on this persons' radar I'd be shocked. But you never know, somehow they stumbles across this blog and then I'm in a whole heap of trouble.
If I get in any kinda trouble with a crush, I'd like it to be because of personal interaction, not through my blog. When/if I make a move, I'd like to do it in person so I'm at least aware of it and there to see the fallout. If I blog about it and somehow, some way it's found out, I may never know, and I'd feel that much sillier in the end. And since stranger things have happened, I'll stop it at this: Crushes are fun.

I NEED to start running again. NEED to. I bought some cheap new running pants tonight - something for spring, something inbetween full winter running pants and shorts. Hopefully this will be enough motivation for tomorrow morning, but over all I'm seriously faltering here. Joel, any tips on motivation? I might go back and read the email you sent me while I was in Toronto.

I feel like there are other things I could blog about, but I'm also feeling like my opening statements in this entry are ringing true for other topics: they could be dangerous, and I hesitate on the side of writing more. It's such a strange line, because I don't want my blog to be just about movies, npr, and running. I mean, I love all those things, but there's sooooooo much more to me. I have so much more to say. But whom to am I saying it to?
or maybe it's, who should I be saying it to?

The Hulk & Worldview

2008-03-25T20:52:00.000-07:00

Edward Norton as The Hulk? This June? How did I miss this? How did I not know this is happening? It's going to be so awesome! Not only does it have Edward Norton - Edward Norton as The Incrediable Hulk! - but also Tim Roth, Robert Downey Jr, and Liv Tyler. I am so in. I can't believe I had no idea this movie was coming out, but I am very excited about it now that I am.

Tonight on the commute home I wasn't really in the mood for Bella's whinning about how horrible her world would be without Jacob Black to distract her from the huge hole in her heart and all the horrible feelings in the big black world, so I forgoed New Moon. But on NPR was the show "Worldview" which I never really listen to. I love NPR more than the average person it seems, but I can't seem to get into "Worldview". Even I find it a bit boring. But I wasn't in the mood to let my mind wander, so I wasn't gonna listen to music either. So, "Worldview" it is then. And I have to say, after a couple minutes of listening, I thought it was totally interesting. It was about capitalism, this women's book called "The Shock Docterine", and economic theories about how real change only happens in crisis. Sounds boring, I know, but really, I thought it was so interesting that I'm putting a link here.

Addition

2008-03-24T22:36:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I forgot to add this to my list from yesterday of pop culture things I'm totally in love with right now. Because I think this is awesome - not only is it hilarious and true, it's interactive!

*Fug Madness - at the website gofugyourself.com ( don't know why, but can' get the links button to work, so you'll just have to type it and see for yourself).

Pop Culture Things I'm In Love with Right Now

2008-03-23T21:13:00.000-07:00

*Slings and Arrows - it's a Canadian TV show, and I suppose if you're a real Shakespeare buff you'd get a kick out of it. I'm not, and I still love it.
*It's Always Sunny In Philidelphia - hilarious, and I've got a little crush on Charlie.
* King Dork by Frank Portman
*The Riches - I'm not sure I'm as in love with it as I am the other two shows, but I did watch 2 episodes back to back this weekend, so it gets added to the list.

Notes on Yesterday

2008-03-21T21:49:00.000-07:00

Notes I wrote myself last night to blog about:

Identifying with New Moon:
In the spirit of diving back into Young Adult books I recently finished the book Twilight and have started listening to the sequel, New Moon. Over all I find the series to be a bit repetitive and overly dramatic. However, it's about adolescents and vampires - drama was gonna be a given. But beyond that little summarization: I was listening to it the other day on my drive home, and found myself relating to the main character (a non-vampire character). This realization disturbs me a little. I don't really want to be relating to her drama, but I was. WTF. (that was me trying to be funny, with the acronym-teen speak, did it work?).

MSCL Moment:
Yesterday my mom and I went to a party thrown for a childhood and family friend who just graduated nursing school. As I was getting ready to go see her I felt this flash to My So-Called Life. This friend, E., and I first met when we were 2 years old, and where best friends till middle school. So the story-line in MSCL where Angela and Sharon drift apart was something I identified with, although I couldn't tell you which character I was in that story. To me, E. was always both of those characters. She was both popular and dangerous. I was average. I was Brian Krakow. Although this isn't true either, as I was not an
academic or considered especially "dorky", at least not to my knowledge.
Anyways, E. went on to be popular, cool; she went to parties and dated. I went on to being average. But there was never any animosity. I never resented her, or vis versa. We just drifted to different people, and that was ok. No hard feelings, just a supportive friendship whenever our worlds infrequently crossed. Which they did again yesterday, and it was great to see her.

E.'s house:
I basically grew up at E.'s house when I was younger. I would spend whole weekends at her house. There weren't that many kids in my neighborhood, but just a few blocks up, near her house, there were several in the span of 3 blocks. So I was the adopted member of the neighborhood gang. Anyways, since those days E.'s moved twice, and while I've been to each house in turn, it's been, I don't even know how long since I
was in their home again. At least two years. (Side note: I hate how after a break up it's like life has this Christ-like time line: "B.S. and A.S.: Before Scott and After Scott" in my head. When is that gonna end?) Anyways, the last time I was in E.'s house was probably B.S. Walking around the house was like walking through a museum of my
childhood, but not quite. All the artifacts where the same, with new ones added that I didn't recognize, but they weren't in the right place. The picture that used to hang over the fireplace now hangs on a crowded wall, the couch that became faded from sun in the play room now rests in a windowless room. They were all in this new house, and it just threw me to see things so recognizable in such anunfamiliar place. Like seeing your teacher outside of class, or pictures of your parents before they had children. The features, the people are the same, but the context seems misplaced.

Pets/Dogs are personifications of their owners:
Pets, like children, are products of their environment. I feel like this is especially true of dogs. I heard someone talk about this dog the other day, saying it acted like a puppy even though it was older. I thought to myself, "Well is that really a surprise? So does it's owner". This is just as true for my family dog. Lucy is anxious, needy and loving while still being anti-social, and has food issues - yep, she belongs to us.

No Sleeping:
I haven't been sleeping at all lately. It's been going on for so long, I can't even tell you. Last week I would stay up till 2 or 3 in the morning, and then get up at 6 for work. It was a sad sight, till finally on Friday I just crashed. Still up late but once I finally fell asleep I was out, and actually slept well. But the cycle as restarted this week. Not quite as late, but till about 1, and when I do
sleep, it's a fit-full. It's hard to remain peppy and optimistic on poor sleep. Last night it was happening again, but with the added problem of allergy induced misery. At 1:00 I'd had enough and went upstairs for some benadryl. An hour later it had worked it's magic, but with disturbing accuracy. My last conscious memory is of laying on my side while pulling my pillow into a hug. Next thing I knew, I was opening my eyes to see the pillow just inches from my face, my arm still outstretched over it. This scares me a little bit; to be so knocked out that I didn't even move. Not to mention I
felt like I was on a bendryl hang-over all day. But, here we are again, it's 12:56 am, I'm tired as can be, and yet I know if I put myself to bed, I will just lay there.

That's what I got from yesterday. I could go on about today's benadryl haze, Good Friday church service, or any number of other things. But this post is pretty long winded as it is, so we'll leave that for another late night.

Dreams of Sabrina

2008-03-15T22:19:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a dream. It was an intense dream. I won't go into the whole sequence. I will say that in it there were relatives of two people that I know who died young. I'm only noting this because today it was also one of those people's birthdays. Sabrina was an amazing person, and while she isn't here celebrating in person, I hope where ever she is she knows that we celebrate her life.

Saturday Night in the Suburbs

2008-03-15T21:51:00.000-07:00

Not a bad Saturday night. Went to church, which I only partially paid attention to. I forgot that even though it's a nondenominational service this is a religiously rich season for lots of faiths. We sang a hymn in Hebrew and listened to a sermon about Jesus and Palm Sunday. Interesting, but wasn't really capturing my attention. I made a yummy dinner with couscous, shrimp, and snow-peas for my parents when I got back from church and from there I went to Borders.
I think I read magazines for at the very least 2 & 1/2 hours, which I can't believe considering I did the same thing yesterday at home while I avoided running. But tonight it was magazines I don't get subscriptions to, namely Entertainment Weekly. I love EW , seriously. I can read it almost cover to cover. This week's cover story on Indiana Jones had me wanting to throw a movie marathon before the 4th one comes out in May. (Seriously, how fun would that be? The 4th comes out May 22nd to be exact, and whil and we'll do it). Not to mention that the "Entertainment Throw Down" articles were awesome. I laughed out loud and wished the article had been longer.
Also tired to read Time and Newsweek and the Atlantic, but Border's doesn't stay open all night, so now I'm back home. Watching Studio 60 on my laptop, bloggin , eating cookies in bed, not sleeping like I should be. And while I feel a serious night out
with the girls needs to happen soon, over all, there are way worse to spend a Sat. night.

Acceptance

2008-03-14T19:43:00.000-07:00

What a fantastic day.
After a week of not getting very good or long amounts of sleep, I went to bed last night around 1 am. And slept soundly - for 10 hours! This is good too, cuz I felt all day long yesterday like I'd been bitten by a zombie. I was physically awake, but nothing was really computing. Obviously, I needed to catch up.
So after a nice sleep-in my mom knocks on my "door" (aka, the curtain that hangs were a door normally would be) and says "See this is the problem with living with your Mom,
she just can't wait for you to see it yourself and open it" while handing me a big envelope from a University I applied to a couple months ago.
I tear it open, and there's a big fat folder with forms and a acceptance letter. Thank god. It was the only school I applied to, and I wasn't sure what my plan B would be if I didn't get in. "Deal with it then" was pretty much my plan B.
But I did get in, and I'm so happy about that. There are lots of pros to this, one of which is that the library were I recently started working is very close to this school, so school and working part time at this place should work out.
There are some folks in the field that kept urging me to apply to this big state school that is one of the best in the country in this field. But I didn't. For one
thing, I didn't get into that school the first time around when I applied as an undergraduate. Not that that would count against me now. But here are the bigger more important reasons: 1.) I don't want to do distance learning. 2.) I don't want to live where this school is.
I'm not saying that distance learning isn't the best - if you can do it, go you. But it's not for me. I need structure, I need class. I need the teacher there in front of me and the deadline of going into class to motivate me to do any work. You can talk to me till your blue in the face about how there still is class, there still is the teacher and the deadlines, and you would be right. But it's just not for me. I need the interaction, face to face with teachers and classmates. I just know this about myself. I will do better if I am forced to be there. Being there is a big part of not
going to the big state school. It's not the middle of no where, because it's a big ten school and it is large. But it's not the city. It's not where I want to be. Having lived somewhere where that I didn't want to, and being miserable there, I know being near the city is another key factor in my success.
So, after the good news of getting into this one school, I set about doing errands and enjoying the amazing 58 degree weather today. My mom took me out for a celebratory chai tea, and then I came back and read magazines for forever. People, Real Simple,
and even Women's Health. I was hoping the last one would motivate me to go running. It didn't really, but I went anyways. All week, since my last run on Monday, I've been telling myself "Friday. I will go Friday. I don't have to work, I'll be able to sleep, I'll go again Friday." Now it was actually Friday and I had to go. I pushed it off for awhile, reading magazines; even getting in my running clothes but then working
on the puzzle on the dinning table for 45 minutes. But finally I went.

March 14
2.3 miles

It was a little weird running past the corner bar. Having it be crowded with the young suburban Friday night scene and me running past as fast as I could hoping I wouldn't see anyone I know loitering outside. (Who that would be I don't know, but you never know. When you're sweaty and in running clothes looking ridiculous would seem just the time life would put you in the presence of someone you know from high school.) But over all it was really a good run, and I think I might need to amp in up to 3 miles
again soon. Oh, also my friend Sarah (hi Sarah!) told me about a 5k in the town next to mine that she's running at the end of April. May be the perfect motivation to keep running over the next month.

One more thing. I'm a little upset that Quarterlife got pulled from NBC after one episode. I mean, fine, pull it if you have to. But only one episode? It wasn't great, but it wasn't horrible. And in a land full of nothing still from the writer strike repercussions you think they could have let it run even just a little bit longer. Luckily they are still showing the episodes online. I've kinda gotten sucked in. I watched two yesterday and there were some gems of narration in there, some things I identified with. Although I'm pretty sure they are gonna get ride of my favorite character in the next episode - again, I don't know why they mess with the good stuff, but they do. But despite that, I think it may be good. I'm not totally sold, but I'm still in.

20-20-24 hours ago

2008-03-10T23:01:00.000-07:00

Twenty-four hours ago I was in the same place. Not sleeping, not really knowing why. It seems easy enough to blame it on the time change, so I do. Knowing that if I stayed on YouTube I would get sucked into an endless blackhole of 5 minutes videos (did you know that there are people out there who put montages together of Josh & Donna from the West Wing? Not only do these montages exist, but people set them to music. And not only that, but there are even odder souls like myself who find and watch them! oh it's a sad sad cycle...)
So, after watching one or two of said "Josh & Donna" videos, I decided to write. I've been trying to keep this journal about goals, the idea being that if I write them down, even just some of the littlest things I want in life (like some new t-shirts and a good pair of shoes), that I can get better at obtaining those things/goals.
As I wrote I realized that I am in a place where I am creating new "norms." In group process it is said that there are certain stages to they way a group works. It starts out with forming, norming, storming, and performing. The beginning being that everyone is feeling each other out, seeing where the boundaries are, forming the said group. Then norms set it, where everyone has an idea what the roles and boundaries are. After that it's storming, where the group rebels against these set norms, and once a group has stormed and gotten through it, they usually re-norm/perform - they are on top of their game and working strong.
Anyways, in my own life, in the multiple characteristics that make up the group that is me, I think I'm in a forming of the norms stage. I just started this new job where I am feeling out the roles and boundaries of my position, of my schedule around this job. What are the patterns I am going to create around this life? I realized I wasn't really creating great patters for myself starting out my first week. Everything AT work was fine, fantastic in fact. But everything else around it was not.
So with the mantra of "forming new norms" in my head this morning, I tried a new outlook on my day. It's twenty-four hours later and I'm not really sure what headway I made. There were lots of things that made me pretty mad at the end of the day and I'm not really sure what to do with that energy. Write some more I guess. And of course realize that it's just one day. Starting norms for the long hall should, and certainly will, take a lot longer to actuallyimplement.

March 10, 2008
2.3581 miles

LOL

2008-03-07T21:22:00.000-08:00

Today was funny. As in, I actually laughed out loud frequently today. I wish I could discribe to you all the funny conversational hilariousness that I witnessed today. It ranged from work related to over dinner to a car ride, and all were funny. But the work situation scares me to disclose over the internet - suffice it to say that it was a very real and honest moment between my boss and a co-worker that was fantastic. The others were with friends and would be silly to type out and try to make funny to other people.
I just think it was great to laugh so much.

Besides not running so much, things are on the up=swing. I really like my new job, a lot. Which is great. I could go into all the things that appeal to me and other things about that just scare the be-jeezus outta me; but it's getting late and I need to get up early tomorrow to go work!

Back on

2008-03-03T20:51:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Lizzie!

Monday March 3, 2008
2.3 miles

Oh man, did that suck. Getting back on the running wagon - ugh. I know not having run in awhile and then trying to run again was going to be horrible, but I need to keep this in mind the next time I think about not running.

Ok, maybe it wasn't all bad, but it wasn't good.
Not that I ever really find running enjoyable. But usually after the first mile or so I get into this rhythm and can feel ok about it. Not today. Today was just trying to keep my feet moving. It could have been the fact that I was also running in the morning, which I hate doing. I started work today (yippee!) and was there all afternoon, so I had to run in the morning if I was going to run at all. Proud of myself for

Oscar Commentary

2008-02-25T13:39:00.000-08:00

The Oscars just ended. All in all, I enjoyed it. I thought Jon Stewart did a great job; he does a good job of going with the moment, like having Marketa Irglova from Once come back and give her speech. Which was one of the best of the night, and she and Glen Hansard both looked fab. How fantastic is it that he still uses the same beat up guitar he’s always used, even at the Oscars. Anyways, the unscripted things, along with most of the scripted jokes from Stewart were entertaining. As usual there were too many montages, but at least Stewart made fun of that.
Speaking of looking good and scripted jokes: James MvAvoy was so yummy and fun. Him and Josh Brolin were a highlight for sure.
Also yummy was Javier Bardem, plus you gotta love a guy who thanks his mom so ernestly.
Of all the ladies I thought Helen Miren’s dress was fab, and it seemed red was the color of the evening (a al Anne Hathaway, Katherine Heigl). Wonder if it had anything to do with Diet Cokes Red Dress/Heart Disease Campaign commercials, which played endlessly (and you can’t tell me Diet Coke is good for the heart disease). And for those of us who watch the whole thing, those commercials that are all the same every break gets real old real fast
Oh, and Kate Blancett looked fabu as well.
A joke I was looking for but didn’t come was Jessica Alba hosting the techi awards. Something about how that’s as close as geeks are ever gonna get to Jessica Alba, but it didn’t happen. Here’s my other riff on that though- why is Jessica Alba giving out an award? Is she the only one they could find that far down on the A-list that would do it? Has she ever been in a movie that would even screen for the Oscars? Or for that matter The Rock? Oh, I’m sorry, I mean Wayne Johnson. Or Miley Cyrus (Look, it’s another red dress!)? I suppose I could argue the same thing about Steve Carrell or Seth Rogen & Jonah Hill , but I think they are all pretty funny, and yummy in their funny ways (Seth was my FAVORITE on Freaks and Geeks), so I’ll forgive them. Biased and sexist probably, but oh well, is it really worth arguing with me about it? I didn’t think so.
It figures the one movie that I didn’t see yet in the Best Picture category wins. I’d like to see it, but finding someone to go with or just going myself hasn’t happened yet. Plus, all I really knew about it before Oscar season was that it was about some pretty bad bad men. Pumping myself up to see a film about evil that you know can’t end well is always hard.
Still, I don’t doubt that it is excellent, and the one person I knew who saw it agreed with that sentiment, so I’m not upset about it’s winning. I was rooting for There Will Be Blood, and if Juno had won I would have been fine. Michael Clayton was a fine film, but I was underwhelmed with it. And I down right just didn’t like Atonement, so I’m down right glad it didn’t win.
Over all though I was happy with the variety and realism of the nominees this year, and the entertainment of the award ceremony itself. Oh, and I’m SO happy “Falling Slowly” won best song, I was cheering for it all along.

Boiler Rooms and Backseats

2008-02-23T12:11:00.000-08:00

I just finished watching “The Boiler Room” episode of My So-Called Life. Officially I believe the episode is called “Self Esteem”, but anyone whoever watched the show ever knows that it’s really called “The Boiler Room” episode.
It’s the Jordan-Catalano-holds-Angela’s-hand episode. And it is perfect. It’s perfect television. It gives me butterflies in my stomach. It even has my favorite Shakespeare Sonnet in it, sonnet 130.
I could go on and on about why it’s good television, but it just is. They kiss and kiss and kiss in the Boiler Room, and you would think that is the big deal, because it’s Jordan Catalano and they are kissing. But no, the moment is when Jordan walks down the hall and takes Angela’s hand in front of everyone (including poor Brain Krakow). That is the moment, it's about actual intimacy, and in the most public way. Anyways, I’ll stop gushing. It’s just the best.

The next episode, which I’m watching now, begins with them in Jordan’s car; talking about having sex, having a car, and I just have to say this story:
When I was in high school there was a boy in the grade above me that I had a big crush on, despite his having a very steady girlfriend, that somehow I managed to become semi-friends with, that would even drive me home after school. While riding in the backseat once I noticed there were pillows and I asked “Scott, why do you have pillows in your backseat?” There was a pointed silence in which he exchanged looks with the person in the front seat, and then it dawned on me and a realized “Ohhhhhh” escaped my mouth. Everyone laughed and I yet again realized how naive I was.

On the show the voice over just said “There’s this dividing line between girls who have had sex and girls who have not.” One guess as to which side I was on; the side that didn’t even know pillows could go in the backseat of your car.

My So-Called Life to Quarterlife

2008-02-20T12:09:00.000-08:00

Since I went on about entertainment yesterday, and I was entertained again last night, and yet again did not run, I thought I’d go on about entertainment again.

Firstly, I’ve been re-watching the amazing series My So-Called Life. It’s so shockingly accurate. It’s Freaks & Geeks and UnDeclared (a la Judd Apatow) before their (his) time. Among other things, I keep noticing the clothes. Unfortunately it’s true that we did dress like that. There’s one large flannel shirt that Angela wears all the time, it’s red, and I have documentation of myself wearing the exact same flannel shirt only in orange dancing with a boy at my first co-ed basement party. I find it hilarious. I don’t remember so many of the floral prints, but still, I remember the overly large grunge flannels over tight tank-tops and white-washed jeans. My mom also noted that they wear the same clothes all the time, which of course just makes it seem that much more true to life.
Anyways, beyond the fashion, it’s still so great. So well written, so well acted. It takes the nerd, the cheerleader, the bad-girl, the gay kid, the kid-sister, the out of reach crush, the bad-boy, the parents, everyone, it takes everyone and makes them relatable, all of them. It’s so genius. It’s so real. And of course, just like Freaks & Geeks and UnDeclared that would come later and seem familar, it was too good for television and only lasted one season.

From the writers, directors, producers, who-ever that created MSCL is now Quarterlife, which is going to air on television on the 26th. But before it does, it’s also airing on NBCs website. I’m not the best for getting my e-news online, like I said before –I go read the magazines at Borders and then try to remember to look it up later – so I don’t know the whole story about this show. But apparently it started on myspace, then became its own thing on its own website, quarterlife.com.
I don’t know about all that, but I watched the network pilot on NBC. For the most part, I liked it. Although it drives me nuts when shows try to cast themselves about every day people that all look like models, just without so much make-up (but that should just be assumed, I mean really, show me any television program with normal looking people. Even MSCL, besides Brian’s afro, were all pretty). Plus, why is it that they put glasses on a girl, and she’s supposed to be not as pretty or something. It’s like glasses are the “we’re trying to make this girl not look like a super model” go-to prop. Or the go-to prop for making anyone seem more alternative. One more thing about the physical look of the show – there are two characters, Lisa and Jed, who are the type of people that when I see them I think “They look like someone I know” but can’t quite actually figure out who that is.
Anyways, it was ok, good-looking twenty-somethings having un-requited love and not knowing how to handle life, basically MSCL only older. A line that may sum it up from the show was from that character Lisa I mentioned said: “You know what I hate about you? You act like such a victim and you’ve never had anything done to you.”
It’s in the middle of a monologue of the main character, Dylan, which Lisa is talking to that caught my attention:
Dylan: You’re lucky.
Lisa: I am? Why?
D: You just are. You’re lucky you don’t have a job, and smoking is bad for you.
L: I do have a job and shut up.
D. No, you have a place where they pay you for honest work, that’s not a job. A job is where you check your soul at the door and spend the day doing the bidding of others trying to exploit humanity.
L: Say that again?
D: Where you give up your dignity in order to help strip others of theirs. And where your biggest assist is being expendable. That’s a job.

I find this to be somewhat accurate, except that I think by 25 you know that going in. I don’t think the character would be so shocked to find that out. It’s television; good looking people speaking much deeper, truer, and wittier than anyone actually sounds. But it’s by the same group that brought us MSCL, I think Jed is cute, and I can watch it whenever I want on the computer, so I’m in and I'm telling you about it.

No running, but There Will Be Blood

2008-02-19T16:26:00.000-08:00

I haven't been running at all these days, as you can see by my lack of postings. It's been far below zero recently, and I've grown lazy. I hope the season begins to turn soon because too long without running and it'll be that much more of a struggle to get back on the band wagon.

Some other things I've been musing on:
I saw "There Will Be Blood" last night. I really liked it, and I am shocked that Jonny Greenwood (of Radiohead) isn't nominated for an Oscar for the score he created for the film. It was chilling and wonderful. My friend who is also a big movie-geek went and saw it with me, and I remembered how much I like seeing movies with people who also really like movies. I mean, I know, everyone likes a good movie. But I'm the kind of movie dork that can waste more time than I'm willing to admit watching trailers online, or spends afternoons reading Entertainment Weekly and drinking chai at Boarders. Anyways, seeing movies with people who appreciate them just makes them that much more entertaining - both the movies and the people - I think.

Being such a movie dork, The Oscars are like my Superbowl, and this year the game is actually interesting. So many deserving people and films. Although, for being a movie geek, I haven't actually seen as many as I would like. Unfortunately not a lot of the nominees are in theaters; which is a shame, because really, there is nothing much worth seeing out right now. Movie season is October - February, where in that time frame it's believed people will actually remember your film for Oscars. And the summer season, May - August/Sept, is good for popcorn fun films that will make money, but this stretch of Post Oscar Season to Summer Season is going to be desolate. I mean, Jumper is the number one movie at the box office right now. case in point.
Anyways, that's my rant for entertainment. At least the writer's strike is over, and hopefully soon this cold spell with be as well.

In response

2008-02-08T11:06:00.000-08:00

This is mostly in response to my friend Katie's blog, instead of writing a comment, I figured I would write something myself.

I too almost gave up on the "Cookie" experiment last night. Just was not in the mood for cookies. It's weird, cuz you would think "But cookie's are wonderful, why would you not want a cookie?" But I'm begining to worry about the side effects of eating a cookie every day.
I wish I could say that, like Katie, last night was the best cookie experiment ever. But it was not. It was by shear will that I ate the damn cookie. For the same reasons that Katie eats cookies: I don't want to quit, and I want to out-last Katie.
I'm thinking I may need to stop eating cookies at night too, because all that sugar just leaves me wired and wide awake.

Precipitation

2008-02-05T19:16:00.000-08:00

We're under this "Severe Storm Alert" right now, and it does nothing to curb my stir-crazy-ness. So despite the warning, and because of the fact that even though we're supposed to get 6-10 inches of snow we've gotten nothing but rain, I went for a run. It's cold, and it's wet, but it was only drizzling when I started and there is no precipitation by the time I got back. Although the sky is an ominous burnt peach tone. Anyways:

Tuesday, February 5, 2007
2.8519 mi

Sucker Punch Faith

2008-02-02T16:02:00.001-08:00

Around 3 o'clock today I got this sucker-punched sad feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was a accumulation of just depressing annoyances all adding up into this snowball. And then one more thing just sent the ball rolling and I felt like losing it.
So, instead of losing it, I went for a run. I forced myself down to my room, past my bed where I could just watch something sad on my laptop and cry, and instead squeezed myself into two pairs of leggings, sports bars, long-sleeve thermo shirts and my running shoes. Then out the door I went.
I've added some louder songs to my play list - some Foo Fighters and Silverchair - and it was fantastic. It's all still pop I know, but the screaming of Dave Grohl or that guy from Fallout Boy or Dashboard Confessional just gets me going. That, and Jay-Z's "99 Problems" - I smile every time I listen to it.
Anyways, the run didn't really help me escape feeling upset, but it did help with that sucker-punch feeling. It made the feeling plateau instead of escalate. Crying may have done that too, but crying doesn't burn as many calories or produce endorphins.
SO:
Saturday February 1, 2008
3.1341 mi

When I got back from my run I went to church. It's just the Unitarian Church two blocks from my house. I haven't gone much, but last week I started going the Saturday night service and I really like going at night. My friend last week said of my going to church "Oh, so your looking for something." I answered that that is probably accurate, but I started attending church semi-regularly over a year ago, and I couldn't tell you any more now than I could then why it is that I go. I just like going. It's like running - it gives me space to think and focus on myself while at the same time totally taking me out of myself. I don't know if that makes sense at all, but since when did church make sense in the first place.

One More Thing: The Cookie Month

2008-02-01T18:57:00.000-08:00

I forgot in my last post: My friend and I are doing this, well, this little experiment. But it's not really one that I feel comfortable blogging about, and neither does she, so we're using a euphemism, thus the "". The experiment is thus: every day, for a month, I will "eat a cookie" and see how it affects my mood. The hypothesis is that, since cookies are wonderful and delicious and fantastic, that having one everyday will put me in a better mood. Here's the thing though - eating cookie can sometimes be tiring, I mean, you've gotta make time for it in your day, every day. Although I don't really preceive this to be that big of a problem for me, as I am still unemployed. Also, there are unforseen side affects of this experiment. My friend has already noticed that she now may have cookies on the brain, and it's only the first day! We've picked February though because it's the shortest month (although this year is a leap year!), so if it's a total disaster at least it's a short one.
Oh, and my apologies for the terrible spelling, the spell-check button isn't working on my blogger right now, despite my using firefox! Ugh, and either is the link button, otherwise I'd post the link to my friends blog! I'll try to get this figured out later....

I'm listening to JT, and not to you, sorry....

2008-02-01T18:37:00.000-08:00

Here's the thing about headphones - I feel like they are the universal sign of "Leave Me Alone Please." I mean, if I have headphones in, that means that I'm listening to something, and not to you. But aparently people at the local coffee shop I'm at don't know this simple form of urban ettiquette, because in the last hour two people have struck up long conversations.
Sometimes I think I just must have some kinda of really welcoming aura, because people will talk to me all the time. Not that I totally mind, but it's the socially awkward ones that are expecially hard. The coffee barista whose started talking to me by asking me if I was doing homework, then about trying to find jobs and how I should apply here, etc. That's fine. Seems harmless enough and I appreciate the encouragement to apply (and I would, but you have to apply online and this national coffee chain must hate Macs because you have to have Explorer or Netscape to apply. Drat!). But, the guy who came in here and just hung out talking to the barista's - well there's my first sign of social oddity. Then on his way out (I'm sitting by the door) he starts talking to me by saying "So, you like Macs?" and then the conversations going no where so he says "I see you like rings" because, well, because I wear three rings on my hands. I mean, I don't know what to say to this. Adding to this train-wreck is that I have my headphones in, so I have to keep asking "What?" It's awkward city over here, population 2.
Only about 4 more minutes till I'm done downloading the last of the only season of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Then, I'm outta here.
No running today either, but I did my fair share of walking around downtown and around the Art Institute. By the by - general admissions is free for the month of February, so get your ass down there and enjoy!

The Best Intentions

2008-01-31T17:31:00.000-08:00

I was going to go running tonight, I really was. I went Tuesday in the most horrible weather because I knew I wasn't going to be home at a reasonable hour on Wednesday to go running. But I figured today and tomorrow I could go again. Until it started snowing this morning, and it STILL hasn't stopped. It's a damn winter wonderland out there. I heard on the radio today - the only time I got in my car today cuz I decided after that it was better to walk anywhere I needed to go the weather was too scary for driving - I heard that some places are going to get a half a foot of snow. I thought that might be over-exaggeration, but now, I dunno. I do know that it doesn't matter how many inches it is, I'm not going running in that.

For Lack of a Descriptive Title

2008-01-30T21:50:00.000-08:00

For reasons I won't post here, I've been thinking a lot about high school. Really, it's been on my brain since New Years, but tonight as I drove that familiar-but-always-astonishing route down Lakeshore Drive and out of the city these thoughts have returned. I wish I could more succinctly put my thoughts together, but even after a whole commute home it still hasn't come to me. It's about high school, but it just as much is wrapped up in ideas of identity and change.

How much can someone really change? What characteristics of one's personality are unchangeable? In eight years, how much has changed? And if you are still around the same people, is it really possible to change? This is just a theory, and I'll use "I statements" to keep this from being overly symbolic or metaphorical or for anyone thinking I'm talking about anyone in particular, because I swear to goodness I am not, but: if I am always around the same people, won't they always expect the same results from me? If I have changed, is it possible for friends and family to expect that, or will they want you to act as you always did? And reversely, do I feel the need to act the same around those people, do I fall into the same role because that's what I expect of myself when I'm around them? How am I to change? Do you have to go some where else completely to re-invent yourself? And if you do, what do you do when you return? And again, can you really change who you are emotionally and mentally at your core in the first place? New places or new faces, aren't I the same neurotic mess no matter how much I try to deny/change that?

We must change, we must. I know it. I know I am not the same person I was eight years ago. And people all around me keep showing me that they are not the same as they were eight years ago either. But there are some things that seem unshakeable, and why are some things so changeable and some are unshakeable?

This is the journalist/philosopher (my major and minor in college - my degree being something I did not have eight years ago) in me - always asking questions.

Ending on a high school note - I have to give a shout out to Dashboard Confessional - nobody gets high school emo angst like them/him - who helped keep the momentum from the Rock Band jam going. I needed something I could keep playing the drums/steering wheel on as well as scream along to and Dashboard Confessional was the closest thing on my ipod that filled that need (Kings of Leon was a close second, but I don't know all the words to those albums yet.) Another shout out to Strategic Consonants, a up and coming Chicago band that is truly hot and talented. And if you've made it this far - wow, good for you! Night.

back on again

2008-01-29T18:07:00.000-08:00

so I took a week off of running - some said it got to -25 degrees at times last week, and that's just too cold to go running, even by my standards.
Why tonight I decided to join the band-wagon again, who knows. Because the weather is terrible: A winter storm warning, winds at 26 - 37 miles per hour, little tiny flakes of snow and ice hitting your face as it whirls around you. For the first time ever I hated my scarf. All these little particles of white ice were stuck to it and then whipped into my face, it was horrible.
Still, I went. It's about two months till my first race, so training must begin!
So:

Tuesday, January 29, 2008
3.0042 miles
14 degrees, feels like -6

Deflating and Pretending

2008-01-24T16:59:00.000-08:00

As I was preparing for my nightly before-bed ritual Tuesday night I sat down on my bed, which suddenly sank really low under me. I own a double-high queen size aero-mattress bed; it turns out there was a small quarter inch hole in the top, and I got really upset because these were the thoughts that came after that realization:

My bed is deflating. I hate that the bed that I own deflates. I am living a life where my bed is deflate-able. This is so sad. When did I buy this? A year ago? Yes, because I was naive enough to take the advice of my now ex-boyfriend, who came up with the idea to buy it. Naive enough to think that the next bed in my life would be bought WITH him. God damn it.

I tried to fix it, but at one o'clock in the morning I was still sinking in my bed, so I gathered up my blankets and moved to the guest room upstairs. ( I spent all day Wednesday trying different things to fix it, including the patches that come with it and did not work. With a little risk-taking with a hot glue gun I had repaired it before bed)

The next day, Wednesday, I'm sitting at a stoplight when the woman in the lane next to me flags me down. I roll down my window and she tells me I have a flat tire. Turns out, she's right. I take into the shop and they tell me they found two nails in it. Not one, but two.
I leave my car at the shop and as my mom picks me up, she notes that things in my life seem to be losing air.
Tell me about it.

It's my 26th birthday tomorrow.
On my 25th, a year ago, I worked that day, and teenage girls made me a microwave pizza with candle in it. I was touched by the pizza thing and all, but over-all, my 25th year wasn't that great.
Which is surprising, because I had really been looking forward to it for most of my life. When my best-friend and I were little I remember we'd play pretend at being 16; because then you could drive. But then we aimed higher, and would play pretend at being 25, because then you'd be able to drive, you'd have a boyfriend, and live in a cool apartment. When I actually did turn 25, I was able to drive, I did have a boyfriend, and an apartment. Also, I had a job. And I was miserable. Just goes to show you, well, goes to show me - you can have everything you always thought you wanted, everything you would pretend to have you can actually have, and you'll still only be pretending to be happy.
As I enter into my 26th year, I can still drive (for the moment), I'm single, I'm living in my parent's basement, and I'm unemployed. I'm extremely stressed about money, and things in my life seem to keep losing air, but I'm hoping that was all about year 25. Year 26 has a whole lot of potential - and I'm not pretending at anything.

She's Got A Point

2008-01-23T20:51:00.000-08:00

A none running blog:

I'm thinking of going off birth control. This is kinda a big decision to me, in that, I have strong feelings that being a responsible potentially sexual active female means you should be on some kind of birth control. And I don't view condoms as birth control. I mean, they are, but I see them more as STD control. He takes care of STD control by using a condom, I take care of birth control by taking a pill. We both do our part.

But to be perfectly honest, the "he" in that equation is purely theoretical at this point. Mostly I'm taking birth control to keep my hormones under control - which doesn't seem to be a plan that's really working - and to cling on to hope that I will need to be responsible and thus be on birth control.

There is no real "need" for me to be on it, and Planned Parenthood ain't as cheap as I think it should be (seriously, they should be able to give that stuff away in my opinion, and I not because I'd like to think I need it, but because other people actually do need it), and it would be interesting to see what would happen to my emotions in a month were they weren't being controlled by a substance.

Here is my real concern with going off the pill though: I have it in my head, probably from some teen magazine I read when I was 17 and years before I actually had sex, that it takes 3 months before birth control (pills) will be at it's most effective. And unless your actually living the Sex and The City life style, which I am not - in many many ways, who knows when they will be having sex next? Let alone if it will be in the next three months! One would like to think, to hope, but who can be certain?

I voiced this last point to my mother today, who had this reply:

"But if you're going to sleep with someone, shouldn't you know them for three months first?"

Got me thinking, the woman has a point....

Excellent

2008-01-18T16:28:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm not totally sure how I did it, but I bundled myself up again and went for a run at dusk. Certainly not as windy as yesterday, but still pretty cold. Remarkably, I pushed myself and went further than I've ever gone before; I think. Let's check it out gmap-pedometer and see.... (i'm going to be so mad if it turns out it's not that far...)

Friday January 18, 2008
3.7894 miles
17 degrees F, feels like 2 degrees F

Excellent! Well done me!

It's supposed to drop to below freezing for the weekend, so I'm glad I got this run in (that was pretty much my main motivator in going tonight and not putting it off for tomorrow). Now, I just need to make myself run again on Monday so as not to make the same mistake I did last weekend, which was put it off for too long.

In another news: I called the temp agency, I've got an interview on Monday.

soooo cooooold

2008-01-17T15:23:00.000-08:00

Thursday January 17, 2008
3.3372 miles
"18 degrees F, feels like 0" - weather.com

These miles were especially hard won this afternoon. It is soooo cold outside. I can't believe I even went, let alone went that far. It must have been sheer will, because I didn't just run the course around the high school gaming fields, I ran around the block that holds all those fields. And let me tell you, the wind can ripe across that wide expanse of nothing. Plus my ipod died at the farthest point of the run. I think in the cold it runs out of juice a lot faster.

Back into it and breaking 3

2008-01-15T18:36:00.000-08:00

Tuesday January 15, 2008
3.2458 miles

Before today I hadn't run for four days (as you can see from my not having blogged for four days as well). I had to call a friend to ask her to tell me that I should go for a run (thanks Katy). The weather has returned to real winter instead of pretend winter like it was a couple weeks ago, and having fallen off the running wagon I was finding it hard to get back on. But I'm glad I did, because it would only have been worse if I had waited any longer. It was hard for sure for the first mile, but I got into a rhythm and I finally broke over 3 miles. Now, if I can just do it again tomorrow....

Untitled

2008-01-10T17:30:00.000-08:00

Thursday January 10, 2008: 2.8999 miles

A way better run than yesterday morning. Way better.
And I've almost got the perfect running playlist down.

Happy Birthday to the bestest Greer ever! And if you read this: empty your voicemail! I've tried to call you but it's all full and I can't leave you a message! Happy Birthday chica!

Happy Thoughts

2008-01-09T21:55:00.000-08:00

Wednesday January 9,2008
2.6396 miles

I didn't run last night, and I had a full day and night starting at noon today, so I broke my routine and ran in the morning today.
It started out as a good morning; I got up, had a great, I dunno what the word is, session? I had a great yoga session? Whatever, doing yoga was great this morning. But then I went for my run.
I don't really like running in the A.M., and here's why
-my body is dehydrated
-my body hasn't had any kind of nutrients yet.
- yes, I could eat breakfast and then run, but then I would have to get up an hour earlier than I would otherwise just so that my body can digest the food before I run. Running right after breakfast or running on no breakfast, either way, my body hates me, and I am unwilling to get up that hour earlier.
Because of these first two reasons, it's all I can do to keep my feet moving.
- I have a hard time focusing. It's still so early in the day that all I'm thinking is "I hate this."
- I know the argument of "But it's so great to have your run out of the way, you can go the rest of the day and not think about it, you've already done it." This is a solid point, however, I think if the run sucks, then what good is it if it's out of the way?

So, tomorrow is back to the evening/night run.

"you are the total package when you are happy Alex."
This was in an email to me a couple days ago, and for some reason the phrase came back to me as I was driving down Lakeshore tonight. I believe it to be true. I am the total package, and I'm the total package when I'm happy. A couple days ago when I read this; my first response was: well, duh. I know that. What I'm trying to do is find someone who can appreciate me when I'm not happy, I don't want to be have to be happy all of the time to be appreciated, to be the total package.
But tonight, I had this thought when the phrase came to me again: God, that's a lot of pressure to put on someone else. I mean, when I'm in a relationship, and I am happy, I can make it work so well. But if I'm unhappy, it's miserable. And that's a lot of pressure to put on that other person, to keep me happy all the time.
And that's the thought. I'm not putting a judgement on it. It just occurred to me for the first time: my happiness is a lot of pressure to put on someone else.
I need to be back in the place where I am responsible for my own happiness.

Damn Girl

2008-01-07T16:46:00.000-08:00

Monday January 8, 2007
2.93 miles

The weather is amazing. It's 62 degrees outside! Apparently it hasn't been this warm on this date since before 1900. Of course, there is also a threat of a tornado. I didn't run into any high winds, not even a rain drop. But I did see a lot of lightening on my run.
A special shout out to Justin Timberlake, who on this run got me through my last couple blocks. Just when I was starting to get fatigued, and the voices of those old tired coyotes started howlin in my ears, good 'ol JT comes on my playlist. Instead of only seeing how much farther I had to go, I see Justin in a black convertible car pulling up slow beside me on the street, sticking his head out and singing "Dammmmmmn girl..... You're so finnnneeee."
Silly yes, but it gets me across the finish line.

Run Alex Run

2008-01-05T20:13:00.000-08:00

I haven't gone running since I bit the concrete and twisted my ankle, which was before the New Year and over a week ago.

The weather is so mild outside though today, I couldn't put off getting back on the running train any longer. I tried to put it off, I didn't go till 9 pm, but I did go. On my run tonight I had this idea:

I'm going to blog every time I run.
Even if all it that I say is that I went running, and how far I ran, than I will still do it.
A little public self-esteem boost to put it up on the internet.

I'm not really making any New Year's Resolutions this year. I mean, I'd like to eat better, and run more, and drink more water. But I want to do that every day, it hasn't intensified or decreased since the New Year, and I never stick to those resolutions, so I'm not doing them now.
So maybe this can be my resolution: I will blog every time I run.
And you can feel free to leave encouragement!

So, for January 5, 2008:
2.8797 miles

Re-cap and move on

2008-01-03T22:24:00.000-08:00

I've had this blog rolling around in my brain: a re-cap of 2007 type blog. But I can't seem to get myself to sit down and write it. So I'm just going to say this, which is the main point in my mind:

2007 wasn't really all that great.
I mean, there were high-lights, don't get me wrong. Katy and Jason's wedding was by-far the top event and most fun I had all year, most fun ever in a way. It will stand out brightly in my memory always.
And I got to go to Hawaii, for free. It was an amazing place, and the people I was with where great, but it will not stand out brightly, it was a tainted trip. Still, Hawaii for free makes onto the high lights list.
I also got to spend more time with one of my fav people, Greer. Not many people get to live in the same place as one of their best-friends, and I've gotten to do it twice.

So, wedding, hawaii, friends. And then a whole lot of anxiety, fighting, questioning, tears, mixed into that. And not just this summer, I mean, the whole year. There was a whole lot of growth and self-knowledge and all those great things that come out of the not-so-great stuff in life. But still, mixed in with those life-lessons are not-so-great things. So it feels like a toss up.

In the end, what I want to say is: 2007 wasn't really all that great, in fact, beyond the high-lights, I believe I've been quoted as saying it "sucked ass". And I believe that 2008, will be, well, great. (I mean, come on people, it even rhymes!). There's a lot of potential and general up-swing to be had this year, and I can't wait.

Back on the horse, and then falling off of it

2007-12-28T21:24:00.000-08:00

Tuesday I went for a run, and while it was all well and good at the time, it wasn't a particularly long run, and the next day I felt terrible. Yesterday I tried to go for a run again, and it was a disaster. Not only did I not get too far, I walked most of it back home.
So, back on the horse today. I figure, you know, even though it's 9 pm, it's not like I'm going to bed any time soon, nor is it any darker than it was 6 hours ago.
The run is going fine, I've gone pretty far, I'm pushing myself pretty well. It had started out not so great with my underestimating how cold the air was, therefore my un-mittened hands were freezing. But being the running genius that I am, I put my hat on my hands until I'd run enough that the blood was pumping and they were hot.
Also, I was excited because with the new snow, I finally had a chance to try out my Christmas present: shoe grippers, to give traction to my feet and keep me from falling.
No luck. There I am, over two miles into my run, about a mile to go, and one miss step. I think I must have stepped on the edge of the sidewalk and my ankle just bends in a way it shouldn't have and down I go, belly flop onto concrete.
Luckily, this is the one time I had my cell phone on me (and even more luckily it didn't break, seeing as I fell right onto it while it was in my hip pocket), and I called my folks. It didn't really hurt too much at the time, and I walked a little bit down the road till my dad came in got me.
But now it just hurts like hell, and it figures that even though I hate running on the sidewalk, but I do it anyways for safety, I hurt myself. And the first time I use this grippers so I don't fall, I hit the pavement.
I'm so excited for this week to be over. Maybe in the New Year I will be a more proficient and graceful runner.

Holiday Week...

2007-12-28T12:14:00.000-08:00

It's been a couple days now, but I've been meaning to post about Christmas Eve since, well, since Christmas Eve. But since it has now been a little while, all of the flowery poetry I'd use to describe it has dissipated, so I'll just do a little recap of actual "eve" events:
*Getting to see friends
*Having Christmas dinner (turkey, mashed potatoes, green-beans and all) with family
*Opening presents and getting, and giving everything I wanted.
*Getting to see more of friends and family
*Going to Church and having a candle - lighting service.

All of my favorite things to do on Christmas Eve.

Christmas Day, was ok. It was a weird year, with so much family away right now, but I did go for an hour long walk with my mom and then for a hour long run. Which was great, but has left me kinda a wreck the rest of the week and it's been hard to get back on the running band-wagon, even with all my nice running-gear presents.

Time spent not running has been spent feeding my addiction to "House" dvds (although now I've watch them all, and have to just sit and wait for the next season to come out on dvd...) and knitting. I'd write what I've knitted, but they are presents that
haven't been given yet, but remind me and I'll put pictures up of them soon. I've been knitting so much though, that the joke in my house right now is that I'm not going to get a job - I'm just going to sit in my basement knitting away and selling my work on theinternet. Hopefully though, this is just a joke, and will not turn into a reality.

Benazir Bhutto was assassinated yesterday. I'm not trying to make a political statement on Pakistan or anything of that nature. To be honest, I didn't even really know who she was until the whole deal withMusharaff took place two months ago and she came back to Pakistan. But through-out that whole ordeal, and really, what continues to go on there, I likedBhutoo. I liked hearing her speak, and hearing this woman's voice in the political landscape, and I'm sad that she's gone.

It feels weird to write something beyond that, but I know there was something else I was going to blog about....Oh yes, the upcoming week. I'm looking forward to getting to see more of my friends; we always have a such a great time together, and I'm thrilled to see what comes of the next couple days. Not to mention, I'm ready to usher in the New Year. This blog is pretty long already, so I'll wait for a "Year in Review" blog till later, but for now I'm very excited to spend a weekend with friends and see 2008 arrive.

Two Notes

2007-12-22T11:54:00.001-08:00

1.) It took me all week to go again, but I just went running again. It's so mild, the perfect weather for a run. Ironic that I now go running around the Vita Course - the track around the baseball, football, tennis, and soccer fields of the local high school. I would get yelled at in high school for walking it and not even trying to run. Now, I run it without walking.

2.) I'm posting this link to NPR's Fresh Air from Wednesday. I caught most of it when it first aired and found it really interesting. Not only because I'm excited for the Paul Thomas Anderson, Daniel Day Lewis, and Paul Dano film "There Will Be Blood." Also for the "Years Best Books." But most especially for Fresh Air's rock critic (and Entertainment Weekly editor) Ken Tucker's segment "A Cristic Assesses The Year in Rehab (Er, Rock)". I think the segment is very succinct.
For awhile I have wondered at my own draw to crappy pop music. I know it's no good, I know it's not great music. However, I can't get enough. I was struck though, with the honesty of Tucker and felt he got it right on with this:
".... But all of these young performers had what all of too much of rock and hip-hop lacked this year: an un-ironic emotionalism, an open heartedness, and an interest in really figuring out what it means to be in love."
Not to mention that the rock group he does praise, Fiery Furnaces, sounds pretty interesting.

Ouch

2007-12-18T19:09:00.000-08:00

I feel like I've turned a corner with my job anxiety, really. I feel like I may be letting go a little and just kinda relaxing.
Except, that my anxiety is so deeply rooted in my being, that it peeks out without my even being aware of it. The night before last my mind was conjuring up this stressful dream (it wasn't a nightmare, but it was stressful and was about to turn this corner and go down the road of nightmare) and it's like my brain went "Nope, we're not even going there" and woke me up. Except, it woke me up to the state of not being able to sleep again, at 5:30 am.
Last night, it was at 4:00 am. Just, suddenly awake; hearing every creek and noise in my house. My over active imagination runs wild with these noises (really, you think after living here for a life time I would have gotten used to them, but I guess that's what three years away does).
Tonight, I'm just hoping my brain lets me sleep through the night.

On the upside: Twice this week, once while it was snowing and once in the bitter cold, I went running over 3.5 miles. Go me!
(I was thinking of going again tonight, but then stepped outside and promptly fell on my ass. So hard I knocked my glasses off my head. Ouch. If the black ice is so bad I can't get off the front steps I probably shouldn't be running....)

December 12 - Dec. 16.

2007-12-17T14:11:00.000-08:00

The Scene:
Me in my long black puffy coat with giant backpack on my back; yoga mat strapped to it and all, giant duffle bag at my feet along with two bags in my hands, standing in front of the customs officer-lady.

Customs Officer: How long where you in Canada?
Me: About 10 days.
CO: What were you doing there?
Me: Visiting friends
CO: How do you know these friends?
Me: I used to work in Northern Ontario at a camp in the summers, and I know them from that job, we worked there together.
CO: And where are you going?
Me: Back to Chicago.
CO: Where do you live?
Me: Outside Chicago, the suburbs.
CO: And what do you do there?
Me: I’m currently unemployed.

Sitting in the back of a cab at 5 a.m. going from bus station to train station:
Cabbie: So you moving or something?
Me: Yes.
Cabbie: Where you coming from?
Me: Toronto
Cabbie: Toronto, huh? How long where you there?
Me: I’ve been gone about a month
Cabbie: A month? That’s nothing, that’s a vacation!
Me: Yeah, I know.

I’ve been back in Chicago for a couple days now. It has taken some adjusting. One major adjustment was moving back into my parent’s house. Even bigger was moving back into the basement.
It’s hard not to feel a little deja-vu coming back here. The last time I lived in this room, I had just graduated college. I was unemployed – then working two part time jobs, I was looking into graduate school for library science (just as I am now).

I know, I know, I can’t discount the past three years. But I can’t help but feel like I’m back where I started. Granted, the last time I lived in this room I also fell in love - and trust me, ain’t been easy dispelling those ghosts from this place - and found a job that I stayed at for two years. So, for being a starting point, it has workded out for me before. So, a trip to Ikeas and two days later, I’ve got my little corner, my little plot of land, a place in the world.

Another adjustment is to being unemployed. Being unemployed and being back in my parent’s basement, well, I’ve had to watch myself to keep depression at bay. Again – adjustment, and acceptance. And just trying to “be here now”. It ain’t easy for me.
If nothing else this whole experience is teaching me a lot about myself.

I need a reason for everything. (Ohh, self realization #3,408,621: Probably a contributing factor in how difficult seems to be to get over the ex-boyfriend. Sure, there were lots of reasons, but in the end – it just didn’t work. And the fact that love can just fade like that: very, very hard to accept). I need to have reasons for why this happens, for why that happens. And finding the greater “life-lessons” to bring to my current unemployment and living situation, to give it meaning, is very hard to see this close up to it.

So, I do yoga.
I run.
And I am trying my best to just put my head on my desk and take a minute.

Last Night In T.O.

2007-12-11T22:23:00.000-08:00

Well, it was my last night in Toronto.
I spent the day packing up and cleaning up.
I went grocery shopping, and bought a rasperry tart at the local bakery (apatly named, Queen of Tarts).
I made my roommates a fantastic dinner, we all enjoyed it, and then enjoyed the tart.

It was fantastic to get to hang out with my friends, and 10 days in Toronto was good for my soul. Thanks to my friends, here and everywhere else.